The Shadows

He's Not My Dad (19)

"You're late." My dad said as I walked in.

"I know," I sighed. "I got distracted."

"By that boy." I followed his voice to the kitchen, that's when the smell hit me. He'd been drinking.

"You've been drinking."

"Yeah, well when you drank a lot, you can't just suddenly stop Victoria."

"You promised you wouldn't."

"No," he took a long swig of his beer. "I didn't, you just thought I did." He was more angryer than he normal was- even when he's drunk. He walked to me. "You know, it's your fault she's gone. If I didn't have to pick you up from school, or maybe if it wasn't your birthday then she would've came with us. She'd still be alive but because of you..." He shook his head in disgust. "She's dead. You're a murderer Victoria."

He said more but I stormed out of the house tears streaming down my face. You can guess who I ran to. I made sure I wasn't crying, when I knocked.

"Oh Tori!" Lacie said surprised. "Back already?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice. Then, she knew. Her happy face when from surprised and excited to worried and upset. "He's upstairs sweetheart. I hope things get better."

When I got to his room he jumped up and pulled me into his arms. I didn't cry, I just let him hold me. My arms stayed at my sides (over top of his because his arms around my waist.)

"What happened?" He whispered in my ear. I just stayed silent. I didn't want to cry, and I wasn't going to. "Baby girl, talk to me." He tired to coax me. He gave up after a while and just tried to get me to hold him.

I was exhausted and upset, because he was right. It was my fault. If I didn't have school or it wasn't my birthday, she'd still be here. My dad wouldn't be an alcoholic, and I wouldn't have burnt the last thing I have of my mother.

He gave up with words and finally grabbed both my wrists and wrapped them around his neck. We swayed back and forth silently for the longest time. He didn't move, I didn't move, we just held each other.

Im a murderer.

Im a murderer.

Im a murderer.

Those words played over and over in my head.

Someone came in and I tried to get away from Lucus but he held me tighter. My arms dropped and we were back to the same position as before. My back was to the person who just walked in, so I just started at the wall.

"Mom," Lucus complained. "Please leave us alone."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She said and I herd the door close.

"Tori," he whispered sweetly and calmly. "Wanna lay down, I'll get you food or whatever you need." I nodded an stepped away, he let me go this time. He led me to his bed, his hand on my lower back. I just sat on it, and fidgeted with my fingers. "Hungry? Thirsty? Sleepy?" He sighed when I didn't answer.

He cupped my chin in his hand and forced me to look at him. "You want kisses?" He teased smiling, which disappeared when I just started at him.

"Baby," he crouched down and took both my hands in his. "Pleas tell me what happened. Or something."

I wasn't going to say to anything. I just didn't want to cry in front of fun again. He probably thinks I'm a wimp, that I can't handle my own problems. That I'm still not over my mom.

"It's my fault." The words slipped before I could even think.

"What's your fault honey?"

I shook my head, and let the tear fall. I watched as it dropped on his hand, and he left it there. He flinched a little but just kept his pleading eyes on me.

"Tell me, please." He begged. "Let me help you."

"It's my fault." I repeated. " I killed her."

He was confused for a moment, but suddenly caught on. "You didn't kill her. It's not your fault. Did your dad tell you that?" I nodded and Lucus stood up without anther thought. I didn't know what he was doing until he sipped on his shoes and grabbed his coat.

"No, Lucus ," I grabbed his wrist. "He's drunk, he doesn't know that he's saying."

"He wouldn't have said it if he didn't believe it. He must've thought it before." He jerked away from me. I quickly slipped my shoes on and ran after him. He was about to open his car door but I stopped him.

"What are you gonna do? You gonna fight him, fight a mortal? I won't let you do that."

"I won't fight him. I'm just gonna talk to him."

"He's drunk, there's no reasoning with him."

"I don't care, he shouldn't say that." He pushed me out the way careful not to hurt me, and got into the car. I quickly jumped in the passenger side.

~*~*~*~

"What the hell are you doing in my house."

"Dad," I grabbed Lucus' wrist. "He's getting ready to leave."

"The hell I am." He jerked away from me and stood in front of my father. He puffed his chest out, and clenched his fists.

"Oh, the little boy had balls now?"

"Dad, stop," I begged. "If you hit him I'll call the cops."

He just scoffed, and glared at Lucus.

"Let's get something straight." Lucus got right to the point. "You won't blame Victoria for what happened. If anything it's your fault. If you wouldn't have been sleeping with her mom around the time that you did, then she wouldn't be born around that time. She didn't ask for this, ask to come in this world. You brought her here, purposely or accidentally, you did this to her, to yourself. So unless you have some kind of time machine, then you'll just have to get used to that. So why don't you grow some balls and realize who the hell you really should be blaming."

I saw the hit coming, and the next thing I knew I caught my father's wrist. His fist balled up prepared to hit Lucus right in the nose. "I warned you not to touch him."

Fire rises through me and I watched his his face went from anger to pain as his skin burned. He groaned in plain dropped to his knees.

"Tori stop." Lucus was worried but I was too pissed to care. Too caught up in hurting this man. He's not my father. Not the one who cared and loved his family. The father who put everyone before himself. Would go without eating so me and my mother could eat. Who would pretend to steal my nose, and make me laugh.

No, this man, is a narcissist dick headed ass hole who cares only for himself. And I won't care or love this man.

"Victoria, stop!" Lucus touched me and the sound of burning skin got louder. He jerked back holding his hand to his chest. "You're gonna kill him! You're gonna kill your dad!"

"He's not my dad." I said angrily but let go. Well, I threw his arm down and let him drop to the ground in pain. "My dad died the same day my mother did."

I left without another word, but I forgot my car was at Lucus' so I just walked.