Falling Apart

Always

Hey! How you doin'? (If you watch Friends you'd know who says that 😊)
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Evan's POV

My head was spinning. I couldn't even walk. I kept hearing ringings over and over. It sounded like my phone but I couldn't even find it.

I kept drinking more, regardless of what it was doing to me. No wonder its illegal for teens to drink. This is a mess.

It started again.

"Ugh.." I groaned. I brought both my hands to my ears to mute it out but it seemed to get louder.

At that point, it didn't matter who was calling me. It was probably my mom trying to check on me.

What if it was Crystal?

No. It couldn't possibly be her. She wouldn't call for shit.

The ringing came again and that time I stood up, losing balance but I regained it, stumbled like an idiot, desperately trying to find my phone and when I got it, I checked the screen.

It read Crystal ...?

What? Now I'm fucking illusinating, perfect.

Out of anger, I threw it against the wall and it stopped.

Thank God. I was beginning to lose what's left of my mind.

I pull at my hair.

I was starting to lose my balance but I took a sip of the alcohol. This time it seem to burn my lips.

I softly touched my lips. I feel the little cut and I remember the fight I had with Keith.

I almost forgot about it because my mind always seem to focus on her .

Only her. Always.

I lean against the wall for support, my head seems to become heavy.

What the hell?

I thought it was suppose to make me feel better.

"Fuuckkk.." I groan.

**********************************

My eyes have never been so heavy.

My mouth, my lips, they've never been so dry.

I've never been so depressed.

My life has never been so fucked up.

I've moved from the bathroom to my bedroom.

I sat on the floor leaning on door just like I did in the bathroom. I didn't bother changing.

I was emotionally, mentally, physically exhausted.

I didn't bother calling Evan again. My phone had died. I didn't bother trying to find the charger.

I didn't bother doing anything but crying for what seemed to be like years. I've cried. So much.

My headache was getting unbearable. I needed Advil. But that'd mean I need to go into my Mothers room. I'm not doing that. I don't want to see her. I don't want talk to her.

I heard footsteps coming up just as I was thinking about how much I hate her right now.

I immediately stood up and locked the door.

She tried opening it. She played with the handle.

I started to back away towards my bed. Staring at the doorknob as I do so.

"Honey.." I heard her say against the door.

I shook my head violently. I brought my hands to my mouth to silence my unwanted sobs.

I was terrified of my Mother...

I used to trust her but now, I don't know. Everyone is losing their damn mind.

I didn't know what would happen if I opened that door.

Something told me that she would never hurt me, but you never know what she's capable of doing to me.

"Honey, open up." She sounded weak.

"No, no, no, no, no, no.." I cried for what seemed like the millionth time.

"Crystal..." She was crying now. "We...need to be together right now. I'm so sorry.."

She sniffs, "Baby, open up please. I love you more than anything.. That's why I did what I did. He didn't give me choice."

"I just wanted to protect you.."

"Well you're late! You could have helped when he tried to rape me! Instead you...you did nothing! That's not love!" I screamed.

"Honey, I'm sorry." She sobbed. "I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I thought, he would have stopped. I don't know-- I don't know why I didn't-- I'm sorry honey. I love you so much.."

"No, Mother ... You do not love me..If you did, you would acted like it. You only birthed me. " I said firmly.

I heard her sobbing from against the door, whispering things I couldn't hear.

I looked over to my window. Opened it slowly. I climbed out and fell on my feet.

I felt a shooting pain all over them and I bit my lips to stop myself from crying.

I looked up, the height wasn't that high, but not a good idea to jump out of. I start limping away from my house.

Once again I find myself wondering around, nowhere to go.

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I walked around looking crazy. Dirty clothes. Messy hair. Bloodshot red eyes. Dry lips, no matter how many times I licked them, they would go right back.

Evan's POV

For some stupid reason, I decided to go for a walk. I had had the most complicated shower ever. Not really. It seemed like it.

I just stood there with cold water running down. Crystal was still on my mind when I was showering. She is still now as I'm walking randomly. The shower seemed to make me less crazy though. I could walk a bit normal.

I didn't fix me hair. I threw on sweatpants and a shirt and I wore black and white vans.

Just because I was a bit drunk and dead inside doesn't mean I should look like a mad man.

The light breeze was great. Perfect right then.

I think I'm still a little drunk because I think I saw a girl that looks exactly like Crystal..

Illusination..?

No..

She looked so..depressed.

I stopped in my tracks.

It was her.

We made eye contact.

Her eyes, they were usually bright. Now they're so dark. Maybe I didn't know much about her now, but I knew when something was extremely wrong, her eyes said it all.

I also knew my feelings for her were very much real, bigger, and stronger than ever.

So when she called my name, I didn't hesitate to walk up to her and pull her into a tight embrace.

She hugged me back, tightly and I could feel her tears on my shirt.

"Evan," she sobbed. Her voice, so beautiful even if it was weak, broken, betrayed.

"I'm here, Crystal.. Always." I whispered into her hair.