Right Now **EDITING**

Goodbye My Lover, Goodbye My Friend

Virginie's Point Of View

January 23rd

My head is aching as if a tambourine is beating in it hinting me that, even it didn't seem like it yesterday, I was really hammered.  I breathe in heavily and rub hard my eyes for a long while to shake off my thoughts. I hear a giggle. This little delicious sound brings a smile to my lips. He is adorable.

"Good morning beautiful." Liam smiles to me and pushes back the hair out of my face again.

I frown and turn to look at him.  If I was expecting someone next to me, it was definitely not him. Oh God!  What did we do?  I look at his bare chest and get a pretty good hint.  I lift the covers and pray I'm not naked under it, which I am.  Fuck!  I look at my naked body before putting them quickly back down.  What have I done?

"Liam?" I say to him with my brows frowned as I'm definitely surprised.  If I expected someone next to me, it is Harry as I realise it was only a dream.  But was it?  Did it happen with Liam instead? I lift the covers again and look at his naked body under it and hide my head under the sheets. I sigh deeply. "Oh my God... I'm so sorry!"

"Why are you sorry? Was I that bad?" He tries to joke and I'm glad he does.  It's less awkward on my part as it makes me smile and he joins me under the sheets.

"No... That's the problem. I was stupid and reckless. And drunk." I answer as I still can't seem to look at him.

"Hey..." He sweetly whispers as he makes me look at him with his hand under my chin. "Look at me Gynie... You don't have to be ashamed of anything. You were lovely."

"So it wasn't a dream?" I finally look at him and get a glimpse of him entirely and it gets me even more insecure and shy about what we might have done. 

"It depends? Do you often dream of having sex with me?" He tries to joke and it gets a smile on my lips.

"No..."

I slowly breathe in and out as I look at Liam next to me.  It wasn't weird waking up next to him, but I was really disappointed it wasn't Harry.  It almost brought me to tears that my dream was only that and that I slept with his best friend instead.  I don't regret having sex with Liam at all.  Now that I remember everything and think about it, it is interesting to have somebody else to compare sex to.  Harry was the only one I ever slept with.  I remember how naive I was when he first brought me to Hampstead at his house on Spaniards. 

I miss it.  His whole neighbourhood was beautiful.  The trees and the parks were beautiful.  It was a beautiful ride I did with my bike on the tracks.  I rode for more than an hour just ravishing under the sun I had the chance to have that day, the birds singing all around me and the smell of the Inn that completely distracted me.  Hampstead is really a place I would live if I had to move to London one day, it is so beautiful and pure.  Unfortunately, I don't think it will happen anymore.  Part of me is relieved, but another part is really sad.  I love this city so much and the whole country too, for the places Harry brought me too. 

Whatever he did to break me into pieces, I'm glad I was lucky enough to feel that deeply for someone.  I never thought one was able to love so strongly.  My love for him consumed me, entirely.  It was the best journey I have ever been a part of.  Now, it's gone and I miss him.  I miss his jokes, the way he dances, the way he smiles, the way he makes me feel, his tacos and just who he is.  I used to live with him and living without him at all needs a lot of adjustments.  I have to find myself without him.  That's the hardest part, figuring who I am all over again and who I want to be without him.  Do I still want to be the bighearted lover I was regardless of the consequences like the ones I'm suffering now?  I think I've suffered long enough.  Having sex with Liam makes me realise there's more to life than Harry and that I can still feel deeply, mainly because Liam made me feel extraordinary last night.  It was very different from what I have been used to.  I loved it.  That's mainly why it gets this situation so messed up.  I felt something for him, but do I have feelings for him?  Could I?  Is it a rebound thing?  I don't know what to think...  The only thing I know is how beautiful and happy he seems next to me.  He is so sweet taking his hand to my face to comb the hair out of my face.  Even though I don't know what he thinks, he is acting so sweet to me and I can't help but wonder what would it be like...

"What does it mean though?" I ask him shyly, biting my lip, as unsure of his feelings than mine.

"Do you trust me?" He asks me as I quickly nod.

He pushes the sheets away and gets closer to me slowly.  I watch his every move very thoroughly as he takes my cheek in his hand and leans in to kiss me. What is he doing? I close my eyes and trust him entirely.  The moment he presses his lips on mine, I feel the gentleness of his kiss and it's adorable. He hovers his naked body over mine and deepen the kiss. I love the weight of his body on mine even though it's weird since it feels all so new to be kissed by somebody else than Harold.  I try to match his passion and circle his neck with my arms and kiss him back, and I feel that he might think the same thing I do. He breaks the kiss and lay on his side of the bed looking at the ceiling.

"Oh my God..." He says with a smile drawn slowly in his lips.  "Did you feel something?"

"No...  You?" I respond quietly, very shyly.

"Neither.  I'm so relieved...  Not that it wasn't great last night, because it was, but it would have complicated so many things."

"Yeah...  No, it felt like kissing my brother, not that it even happened to me...  I'm glad too.  I would have been so lucky to be able to feel something for you too, but I guess I'm even luckier to have you as a friend."

"You are so sweet.  Come here." He says and opens his arms for me to snuggle into.

We are on our way to Montreal as Liam is on his phone trying to call Louis, but he doesn't pick up.  I think Liam might have tried to call him five times since this morning.

"That bastard doesn't pick up!" He yells putting his cell phone back in his pants. 

"He must be with his son.  I think he has a lot on his mind right now, give him some time.  He will call you back when he sees the fifteen messages you left him." I exaggerate as a joke and pat his thigh with a smirk.

"We still have some time to kill before I need to be at the airport and I want another poutine." He says and I burst into laughter. 

I get his wish come true as we stop for lunch.  Next to the restaurant, there's a baby shop.  So I take his hand and bring him inside to get little Tommo a little gift.  I'm crazy about baby clothes and it turns out that Liam is too.  We shop for way too much time and end up buying way to much outfits.  I ask the cashier to put everything in a gift bag.  Liam takes it with him to deliver the gift directly to the father.  It's weird to think of Louis as a father, but I know he will be very good at it.  I remember when he taught me to play football in the empty hall of an hotel we were staying at.  I think that was the first time I had a glimpse of the true Louis as he is entirely. 

We get back on the road and finally get to the airport.  I can't lie, I'm starting to be a bit emotional as we walk through the halls of Montreal's International airport and the song Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt plays on the radio.  We get his ticket and walk through the check in as he keeps his luggage and the gift with him on the plane.  He isn't late, but we took more time than we should have in the baby shop.  So we walk at a quick pace and get fast to the customs.  That's where I need to leave him.  I jump immediately in his arms and give him a big kiss on the cheek.  I hold him tight in my arms.

"I wish the very best to you and to Louis.  Keep me updated on little Tommo when you can and I hope to see you very soon." I whisper to his ear.

"Of course, Love.  Stay strong and take very good care of yourself."  He says and lets me go.  "And next time I see you, you better have eaten more than just ice cream.  I'm serious Gyns."

"Yes Liam."  I respond at his command with a wide smile.

"You better." He kisses my forehead and says his lasts goodbyes before leaving to get checked at the customs.

I follow him through the line as he joins the small crowd as if he was anybody until I can't see him anymore.  And just like that, he was gone and I was, yet again, all alone.