Haunted

Stalemate

Maddox woke up before Brent the next morning. They'd turned away from each other in their sleep but Maddox could feel Brent's back pressed to his and flipped over, pulling him in close.

"No, shh," Brent protested.

"Love you," Maddox whispered to him. Brent mumbled something that sounded like "love you too" back but was asleep again in seconds. Maddox closed his eyes and tried to drift off too but his mind wouldn't quiet down. He kept thinking about Adam and what Brent had asked.

When he realized he was wide awake, Maddox slipped out of bed and put on some clothes before he went downstairs. It was way too early to be awake but someone had made a pot of coffee so Maddox poured himself a cup and stared into it, wondering if Brent was really right. Maybe they weren't meant to get married so soon after all.

"Did she wake you?" Brent's cousin, Kara, asked. Maddox turned to see her standing behind him with a tiny baby on her shoulder. He hadn't seen Kara or her new baby the night before but he faintly remembered Brent promising lots of baby snuggles while they were visiting.

"No, I didn't hear anything," Maddox said. Almost like he'd cursed her the baby started wailing right after that.

"I don't know what's wrong with her, she's clean, she just ate," Kara sighed, rubbing the baby's back.

"Sometimes they just cry. Want me to take her?"

"You don't have to do that," Kara smiled. "I'll figure it out."

"I don't mind at all," Maddox insisted, not even waiting for Kara to hand the baby over. He scooped her up and snuggled her against his chest. "What's her name?"

"Anya. What did you do? She's already quieter."

"I don't know," Maddox shrugged. "Maybe it's because I'm holding her a different way? Or I'm a different temperature?"

"Well, thank you," Kara looked exhausted. "I'm going to sit down and drink my coffee if that's okay."

"Sure, yeah, do whatever you need. I've got her."

"Just let me know if you want to give her back," Kara sat down at the kitchen table.

Maddox held Anya while he drank his coffee and looked outside. It was a pretty day out, but there was frost on the grass so Maddox knew it was cold. He closed his eyes, imagining how nice it would be to wake up the next day and see snow. It wouldn't happen but he could dream.

When Maddox turned around he saw that Kara had fallen asleep with her head on the table. He smiled and poured himself another cup of coffee before he carried Anya into the family room. She'd gotten quiet for a while but started to fuss again so Maddox sang to her, rocking her gently so she wouldn't start screaming.

Finally Anya fell asleep so Maddox sat down on the couch and put his feet up. He'd forgotten his phone upstairs so he couldn't get online to keep himself busy. Instead he tried to imagine what it would be like if he and Brent had a baby. Would it feel the same, where he was up taking care of their little girl while Brent was sleeping in? Or would Maddox be at home with the babies while Brent was out with Adam? The idea actually made him feel sick.

Maddox slid a little further down on the couch and closed his eyes. He wanted to enjoy Christmas and his time at home with Brent, being in love and completely oblivious to everything and everyone else. But it seemed like that was impossible. It always seemed impossible for him to just be happy with Brent. Maybe they were trying too hard and it wasn't meant to be.

Those kinds of thoughts swirled through Maddox's head until he fell asleep. The next thing he knew he was waking up as Anya started to fuss again. He groaned and sat up, rubbing her back.