Haunted

"Maybe one day it'll be that easy" - UNEDITED

Disclaimer: This chapter has not been edited from the original as posted on JBFF. There will be mistakes, typos, continuity problems and other issues.

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"Hey," Maddox let himself into Wes's room. It hadn't really changed since the last time Maddox was in there. The walls were still covered with pictures and posters of music groups but mixed in now were pictures of half naked guys - all musicians, like Wes was just really into music, which Maddox figured, was how he explained them to his girlfriend.

"Dax, hey," Wes's raspy voice actually sounded kind of painful. He didn't look much better. His lips were pale and chapped and his skin had a greyish tint. Wes had lost a lot of weight and he'd been really skinny to start with so he was now all bones.

"I brought you some presents," Maddox said. He checked to make sure Kylie wasn't nearby before he handed Wes the bag.

"Yessss, thank you," Wes grinned, pulling out the new bottle of lube. "I just finished the other bottle, how did you know?"

"I was your age once," Maddox shrugged and sat on Wes's bed. "You'll let me know if you need anything to go with that, right?"

"To go with it?" Wes frowned. "Like porn or something?"

"No, you're on your own for that," Maddox laughed. "I meant condoms."

"Oh!" Wes's cheeks flushed. "Um, no, thanks, but we're not, um, anywhere close to that."

"Just let me know," Maddox said. "It's important."

"I know," Wes said. "It's not gonna happen for a while though."

"Good," Maddox said. "It's a big step. And you might not even like it, not all guys do."

"I think I'll like it, but," Wes shrugged. "I can't even make out with him right now without getting lightheaded and coughing. Not to mention no one should have to see my bony ass."

"Yeah, get better first," Maddox said. "Then worry about other stuff."

"What's this?" Wes asked, pulling the little black notebook out of the bag. Maddox had also tucked a set of pens in with it.

"You said people compare you to me," Maddox smiled. "Well those notebooks are kind of my thing. I started writing in them when I was like, 13 or something. It didn't start out like a journal, it was kind of just a regular notebook and then over the years it turned into journaling. I thought maybe you'd want to try it. Since you're figuring stuff out and all."

"Yeah, this is great," Wes nodded. "I could draw in it, right?"

"Whatever you want," Maddox said, surprised he was relieved that Wes liked the idea. "If you don't like it that's cool too."

"No, I love it," Wes said. "Thanks, Dax," he sat up to hug him.

"You're welcome," Maddox said. Wes started coughing and pulled back.

"Ugh, I'm so done," Wes sighed. Maddox handed him his water. "Thanks," he took a sip.

"Does it hurt?" Maddox asked.

"Yeah, my whole body hurts," Wes said. "I'm so tired, I just want to be better."

"You're almost done with chemo, right?" Maddox asked.

"Two more sessions, then a week off," Wes said. "And then I have another PET scan."

"Then they'll decide?" Maddox asked.

"Yeah," Wes nodded. He leaned back against his pillows. "Sorry I coughed on you."

"It's fine, believe me," Maddox said. "Emma spit up on me this morning, that was about 20 times worse."