Elija Grimes sleeps with everyone he bumps into and even finds himself in bed with his three 'straight' friends. His actions have enormous consequences and it's questionable whether those are good or bad.
(Standalone)
Written: May 2016 - Jan 2017
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~ Gray ~
Shit, shit, shit, what am I going to do?
I didn't really want to admit it to myself at first, because I just couldn't believe it, but I like Elija. I am in love with him. With one of my best friends. Isn't that just absolutely great? To think that the thing that made me realize was sleeping with him. Like, wow, Gray, classy.
Every time I think of him, my stomach flips—and I think of him a lot. It doesn't help that he's sleeping in our apartment, either. Mikky shut him out... He took his key and threatened to kill us if we give him our key to their apartment. Mikky can be very scary when he's angry. I wouldn't dare.
Elija sleeps in our apartment, eats in our apartment, showers in our apartment and then walks around half naked in our apartment. It's unbearable.
Seth doesn't treat him any different than how he used to before. He's not lying when he says it doesn't bother him at all that they had sex. It doesn't really surprise me actually. Seth might not be as...slutty as Elija, but he sleeps around sometimes. Short-term girlfriends, mostly.
I do my utmost best to not stare at Elija, especially when he's not fully dressed, but it's like he doesn't even care about any of this. It's like nothing ever happened. We never talk about it. Which is weird, because it's all I can think about. I try to imitate their behavior as best as I can, because I don't want to make them think that it affected me somehow, other than the fact that I am... no longer as innocent as I used to be.
You know what? I should be glad they don't bring it up. I'm afraid the moment they ask me about it, I'll start spewing out confessions. About how amazing it was and how I want to do it again. About how I want it without having to ask for it, and how I want him to hold me afterwards, and how I want him to tell me things like when he told me I have nothing to be ashamed of. All because I want him to be mine.
It's so embarrassing.
And it kills me, because I know it will never ever happen. I know it and I knew it the very moment I offered my innocence to him on a silver platter. Yet, still I did it.
When I admitted to being attracted to men, I was admitting to myself that I like Elija. It was like a shield I'd put up. If I didn't accept the one thing, I wouldn't have to accept the other. But he just had to pry it out of me. He just had to provoke a reaction. He had to wake up that attraction I had for him. He had to seduce me, because he wanted to 'do me a favor'. And the lovesick fool that I was, I took it. I took that chance he was offering. I took the chance, even though I knew that it wouldn't lead anywhere and that it wouldn't grow into something more. I knew it and still, I ignored it. And now it's coming back to bite me in the ass, because Elija will never reciprocate those feelings and he will never give up his way of life for me.
