Inquisitive ✓

6.1 It's fine

~ Elija ~

I'm going to fucking explode if I don't sort this mess out any time soon. I know I'm avoiding it like the plague and that I shouldn't, but as always, I'm too afraid of the confrontation. Still a fucking pussy. I don't want to be thinking about what this whole thing with Mikky is, because I don't understand it and I'm scared to death that it'll fall apart. I'm happy enough that he isn't ignoring me or mad at me anymore, but somehow, this is even worse. It's like nothing ever happened, while actually a lot of fucking shit happened.

I think, what I need right now, is to just walk away for a second and get out of this weird cycle we're in. Every time we're making progress, we're taking a step back and I feel stuck. I know he'll eventually be making a decision, but for now I'm just wandering aimlessly in the dark, frantically searching for something to hold onto.

As we exit the cafeteria after Seth's (apparently) necessary afternoon snack, I decide I need to distance myself for a while, so I simply tell my friends goodbye, before walking in the opposite direction of the apartment building, but Mikael goes after me and asks, "Where are you going?"

"Dunno yet."

"Wait, I'm coming with you."

I stop walking and turn to him, asking, "Why?"

"Because," he replies with a face that tells me everything I need to know. I nod and together, we leave Seth and Gray, ignoring the curious glances they're giving us.

Mikael follows me quietly, neither of us feeling the need to fill the silence, while we instinctively walk to the park that so conveniently lies behind the university. It's the only place we go to if we're not in our apartments. I think we always return here because it reminds us of the lake behind the old school in our home town and, deep down, we're all super nostalgic. The fact that we all moved here so we could go to college togethershould be proof enough.

Our journey ends by the picnic bench by the water, half hidden under the roof of trees, where we always sit if we have time to lunch together in between classes. Mikael sits down and looks up at me in expectation. He still doesn't say anything. It's like he's waiting for me to... admit something. Do I have anything to admit? I carefully sit down on the other side of the bench so I'm facing him and fold my hands on the wood between us. Mikky keeps staring at me, completely emotionless for once—not even his iconic glare.

Then I see his eyes flick to the side, somewhere behind me, and I see the tiniest flicker of annoyance. I turn my head to look over my shoulder to see a pair of girls looking at me and I'm wondering why they're staring until I remember I slept with them a while ago... I have no idea what their names are, but I do remember—

I don't care.

I return my gaze to Mikky and tell him, "Ignore them."

"Kind of hard to do," he mutters. "They're basically eye-raping you."