My Heart and Other Black Holes (My Heart #1)

Chapter 36

Jack and Rowan left Zoe's house and walked down the road. Jack was walking ahead of Rowan so she stopped walking. "Jack..." Rowan started. She wanted to talk to him. Jack ignored her. "Jack, please," she begged. Jack stopped and took a deep breath; turning to face her.

"You lied to me," he stated.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you who I was but I didn't know how and then... then suddenly it had been months and it seemed too late to tell you," Rowan rambled.

"What, so you were just never going to tell me?" Jack asked angrily.

"I don't know Jack! I'm sorry, I never meant –" she started.

"Oh, you never meant for this to happen? What were you expecting then?" he replied.

"I don't know!" Rowan said hopelessly. Jack sighed in frustration and started walking away from her again. "Jack –" she started, running after him. "You said... you said you understood. You said you got it," Rowan said desperately.

"I lied. Because that's what our relationship seems to be based on. Lies!" Jack shouted.

"The only thing I lied about was my name and family. I never lied about how I felt about you. I love you so much Jack... I never meant to hurt you," Rowan insisted.

"Oh really? Is that why you told me about the baby?" he spat. Rowan's eyes filled with tears. "Did you even want our baby? Your sister mentioned that you were drunk in the accident which is why Alfie drove. Who does that? Who gets drunk when they're pregnant?" Jack asked. The tears in Rowan's eyes fell.

"I didn't know what to do," she tried. "I... just... I freaked out,"

"You should have told me," Jack replied.

"I thought... I thought you would leave," Rowan sobbed. Jack's anger evaporated in an instant and he hugged her tightly.

"I would never leave... I promise Rowan, I would have stayed," he assured her "I love you,"

"I didn't know what to do..." she said slowly.

"Did you tell anyone? Hazel, at least?" Rowan shook her head.

"I'm sorry... it's all my fault," she said.

"Let's go home," Jack suggested. The two of them walked hand-in-hand back to the station and went back to London. When they were on the train, Rowan's phone started ringing. "Who's that?" Jack asked after Rowan looked worried.

"It's... my brother," she answered softly.

"Are you going to answer it?" Rowan shrugged but decided she may as well.

"Hello?" "Rowan, what the hell is wrong with you?" "Huh?" "Zoe is an absolute mess. Why the fuck did you just leave?" "Joe, it's none of your business," "Of course it's my business Rowan. Why did you leave?" "Because I remember Joe. I remember everything," "That's not a good reason. Zoe never did anything wrong," "She chose not to tell me stuff. Like the fact that I was pregnant but lost my baby in the crash..." "How did you expect her to tell you Rowan?" "I don't know Joe, but she could have had least tried!" "Just go back, or call her or do something. She's upset," "I don't care, her boyfriend killed my baby!" "It was your fault for getting so drunk! If you hadn't got drunk, Alfie wouldn't have been driving. If you're going to blame someone, blame yourself, not Zoe," Rowan was speechless. Joe was right, it was all her fault but that didn't mean she should run back to Zoe. Jack took the phone out of her hand and hung up.

"Rowan... it'll be okay. We can go back if you want?" Jack offered. Rowan shook her head.

"I don't want to Jack, I don't want anything to do with her," she insisted. Jack nodded and put his arm around her. Rowan leaned her head into him and he kissed it; making her smile. She really loved him. "I love you," she whispered.