My Heart and Other Black Holes (My Heart #1)

Chapter 45

Zoe woke up and knocked on the door to where Rowan was sleeping. There was no answer. She opened it and started panicking when she saw the bed was empty. But Zoe went downstairs rather than freaking out and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Rowan sitting on the sofa with Nala.

"Morning Zoe," Rowan said cheerfully. Zoe walked over to her; confused.

"Nuh uh, missy. You don't get to pretend that you're okay. You were a mess this morning," Zoe said bossily. Rowan looked down and put Nala on the floor.

"Zoe, I'm fine," she insisted. Zoe's eyes filled with tears – why was she lying?

"Louise called me and told me that Jack broke up with you," Zoe said. Rowan stood up.

"I don't care that he did..." she tried but Zoe was having none of it.

"Oh come on, Ro. Stop lying to me. And what the fuck did you do to your arms?" Zoe exclaimed.

"Nothing!" Rowan claimed, bringing her arms close to her stomach. "I didn't do anything..." she lied.

"Rowan. I saw the cuts. How do you think the bandages got on them? Magic? No, I put them on you whilst you were unconscious in my house after not talking to me for weeks," Zoe said angrily.

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know where else to go! All my friends were out celebrating with Hazel and Joe isn't even in the country. I know you told me to choose and that's fine – I'll just leave," Rowan replied.

"No, Rowan... I didn't mean... I just meant that there's no point lying because I saw those cuts," Zoe said softly. "Why did you do that?"

"I don't know. I was just so empty and I wanted to feel something! And I did, by the way. It fucking hurt," she said truthfully.

"Ro... he's seriously not worth it," Zoe tried.

"He is Zoe! I love him, alright!? I know I sound ridiculous but I don't care. I'm in love with Jack Howard!" Rowan exclaimed.

"Okay..." Zoe said softly.

"And that's not why I was sad in the first place..."

"Why then?"

"Annie... she – she passed away," Rowan mumbled. Zoe hugged Rowan. "Stop, okay? I'm here complaining about how my boyfriend broke up with me and my best friend just died. She got freaking cancer and died!"

"Rowan... it's fine to be upset. And angry,"

"No it isn't! She's dead Zoe! I didn't even get to say goodbye to her! She is – she was – my best friend. She was there when no one else was. Annie was always there for me, no matter what! And I wasn't there to say goodbye because she didn't want me to get hurt!" Rowan sobbed. Zoe hugged her sister tighter and she sobbed into her shoulder. "She was a sister to me. She still is," Rowan wept.

"Ro... it's okay to cry. It's best to cry..." Zoe tried.

There was an urgent knock at the door and Zoe stopped hugging her sister to go and answer it. "Jack..." she muttered when she saw him. He looked awful. He had definitely been crying.

"Is she here?" he asked weakly. Zoe nodded uncertainly. "I need to talk to her..." he said.

"Jack, I don't know... I don't know if that's a good idea," Zoe answered.

"I love her, okay? I made a mistake. I said some stupid things and I want to fix what I did," Jack begged. Zoe sighed and moved to the side to let him in.