Nicko
I woke up the next morning with my heart aching. I couldn't understand why Demi was saying those things last night. Were they true? Or was she just trying to get a reaction out of me?
I got up with a groan, walking out into the kitchen where it reaked like the vodka Demi had poured down the drain. I cleaned everything up, then walked into the nursery where Mia was standing up in her crib smiling happily when she saw me.
"Dada!" She giggled.
"How's my princess?" I said, smiling and kissing her chubby cheeks as I picked her up. We went into the kitchen and I gave her a bottle of milk and fed her the breakfast Demi had laid out for the week. I didn't know when she was getting up and I wasn't sure if I wanted to be around when she did. I focused on Mia, which let me take my mind off of things. Once she was settled into the playpen with toys though, I didn't have a distraction so I focused on making breakfast for Demi and I. It was my unspoken job in the house since Demi had a very limited knowledge of cooking. I heard a noise behind me, and a timid hand touched the small of my back. I took a deep breath and didn't react, focusing on the omelettes I was making for the two of us. Demi leaned her forehead against my shoulder and a small whisper came from her.
"Please."
I stopped moving and took another deep breath before I looked down at her. Demi's eyes were bright red, and there were already tear tracks on her face showing she'd cried this morning. Her words were still fresh wounds in my head though, so I didn't react. Demi's lower lip began to quiver, and she pressed her hands together, then brought them to her lips in a prayer motion.
"Please Nicko, I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I don't even know what last night was."
I put the omelette on the plate and hesitated before handing it to her, "Was it true?" My jaw flexed, "Did he make you moan?"
She licked her lips nervously and slowly nodded, "Yes."
I looked down lamely at the food and handed her the plate, not bothering to start another one for myself.
"You're not eating?"
My breath came out in a huff, "I don't have much of an appetite."
Demi sniffled then sat at the table, eating her food daintily. I cleaned everything up, then sat on the balcony again, not knowing what else to do or where else to go. Eventually, Demi walked out, holding Mia on her hip who was now dressed for the day.
"I was thinking we could go out for the day. I can't stay in this house."
I looked at my hands, "What time will you be home?"
Demi frowned, "I want you to come with us."
I chuckled dully and shook my head, "No thanks."
She put Mia in her carrier and sat down next to me, "Nicko. Please. Last night I wasn't in a good state of mind and I was trying to pick a fight with you for stupid reasons. I'm sorry. I can't deal with this without you. I need you."
I looked at her in awe, "You think this is just something a simple 'sorry' can fix? Demi... you manipulated all of my deepest insecurities. You tried to use my mental disorder for your own sick satisfaction of having me yell at you. You told me that our relationship is doomed because I'm going to cheat on you, that I'm a pathetic drunk, and that you would consider going back to Wilmer because when you two were having your little makeup session, you enjoyed yourself so much you fucking moaned. You don't need me. You just need me to forgive you. You don't give shit about how I feel. Did it ever occur to you that I needed you last night? That I really needed you? Last night I sat on this balcony and cried my eyes out because you shut me out when I needed you most, when the demons in my head were screaming at me. I needed you then, and you told me not to talk to you, to leave you alone. I haven't cried so hard since my brother died. I haven't felt that alone since my brother, my best friend, committed suicide. You broke me last night Demi. I don't know what else to do because I can't keep putting bandaids on when you hurt me. I don't have anything left in me to give you."
She closed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair, "Nicko, I know I screwed everything up last night. I know, and I'm sorry. I'm so, sorry. What I did and said was completely out of line. I love you, please."
I shook my head, looking out at the view, "Sorry isn't good enough anymore Demi. I've heard it too many times for it to mean anything. The things you said to me last night... I would never say to you. I would never taunt you to the breaking point like you did. I would never use the secrets you've told me against you in an argument. I would never tell you to sleep in the other room right after you lost a baby. I would never, in a million years listen to you hysterically and not comfort you. I wouldn't use your addictions against you. I wouldn't tell you I want to fuck my ex-girlfriend just to see if she's still got it. I would never do that to you Demi. It shows that I love you more than you will ever love me."
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-Rachel
