Demi
"So are you two married yet?"
I looked up at Nicko's mom from the book I was reading and smiled. "Not yet. Your son sure likes to take his time."
She pressed the button on her bed to sit herself up. "Nicko loves you so much. I don't think it'll be much longer."
I smiled and leaned my head back against the back of my chair to look at her. "And I love him. He's my best friend in the whole world."
"I'm glad he's found you. I want the best for him, and that's you. Not to mention you guys make beautiful babies."
I smiled, watching her stroke Mia's head lightly as my daughter giggled and smiled at her grandma. "Yes we do... She's going to give Nicko a lot of trouble when she grows up."
Deborah laughed. "She certainly will... But you've got a handle on it. Every beast needs his beauty. Every tough guy has the one girl that doesn't flinch."
I chuckled. "He knows he doesn't scare me. Not easily anyway."
"And you don't scare him. Not your past, or anything you throw at him. He's here to stay." Deborah said with a knowing smile. "I've heard the rumors, all of the tabloid magazines. I don't believe any of it unless Nicko confirms it but he's been surprisingly quiet to me." She raised an eyebrow. "Care to share?"
I smiled. "You don't miss much do you?"
She shook her head. "Not when it comes to my son and my future daughter-in-law. I know the relationship you have, I also know that the past few days when you're around each other you've both been hesitant." She smiled again. "I'm good at reading people."
I sighed. "We're just working through some stuff. We both have fears and issues but we're gonna get through it. When we fight, it's like every ounce of love goes out the window and we both scream things we don't mean. It's scary because I don't want Mia's life to be like that. I want us to be able to have conversations, not screaming matches."
"You two will give that child the best life any child can have. She has two parents who love her and each other more than anything else in the world. No parent is perfect and no relationship is perfect."
I nodded. "I know that. I just... I don't want her to grow up like I did, with my parents fighting like animals every night."
"And Nicko doesn't want Mia growing up like he did either." I looked at her and she gave me a warm smile. "Howard didn't start the abuse towards me until after Ryan died. He started drinking more and more. But he was always strict and aggressive towards the boys. Nicko always tried to protect Ryan from him... but he refuses to talk about any of it. His dad ran a business from home and I was out working. I never knew exactly what happened."
I furrowed my brow. "Nicko never told me about any of that..."
She shrugged sadly. "He's not one to talk about his past. I worry about him bottling things up, but he seems to be doing fine on his own, with you."
I nodded, my brain still trying to think back on anything triggering memories with Nicko. "Yeah, he seems like he is."
~*~
Later that night, when I went up to bed Nicko was laying down, scrolling through his phone.
"Is Mia good?" He murmured, smiling as I sat down and ran my hand down his chest and kissed him.
"She's fine." I whispered back, bringing my hands to his cheeks so I could kiss him again.
Nicko blindly put his phone on the bedside table and pulled my leg over his waist so I was straddling him. Our lips moved in sync and I could feel him against my thigh, a low moan coming from my mouth.
"Wait." I whispered, pulling away and putting my hands on his chest.
"Are you okay?" Nicko said, rubbing my sides. "What's wrong?"
I bit my lip. "I want to ask you about something, and I don't want you to get mad."
He furrowed his brow. "O-kay?"
I pushed back his hair. "It's about your dad."
Instantly his expression shifted to one I knew well; defensive. "What about my dad?"
"What did he do to you? When you were a kid?"
"You don't need to hear this." His voice was pleading. "I don't want you to hear this."
I tilted my head a bit. "Did he hit you?"
Nicko looked away. "I don't want to have this conversation."
"I know you don't." I whispered, trailing my fingertips down his temple to his jawline. "But I think you need to."
He met my gaze again. "Dads are rough with their sons. It's normal."
I shook my head. "It wasn't just a little rough Nik, was it?"
Nicko looked helpless. "I just did everything I could so he wouldn't hurt Ryan."
"What did he do to you?" My voice was soft, I laced our fingers together on one hand. "It's okay baby you can tell me."
Nicko clenched his jaw. "He would never hurt Jessica. She was his little girl. But my brother... he would go after Ryan when Ry didn't clean his room, or got a bad grade. I got stronger, and I always fought back against him. He would take me down to the basement and put on his boxing gloves." He shut his eyes tightly. "He said it was for my own good. That he was making me a better man. A stronger person." Nicko opened his eyes again and my heart clenched when I saw tears swimming in them. "One day I hit him back and broke his nose... He broke three of my fingers and knocked me unconscious for two days. When I woke up Ryan had bruises all over his face."
"Nicko..." I whispered, leaning my forehead against his. "I'm so sorry."
"Once Ryan killed himself my dad started trying to get help. He stopped drinking and I thought he would be okay. Then when we went to see them I realized it didn't get better. He had just shifted targets to my mom. She didn't tell me because she didn't want him to start hurting me again."
"It's not your fault-"
"I know." He cut me off. "But he's the reason I'm like this. He bred me, he groomed me to be a monster. I'm just like him Demi. I see all of the similarities. Every day I become more and more like him."
"Nicko you're nothing like him." I said fiercely. "Listen to me. Baby you're not gonna have his life. He was a drunk, a mean, heartless drunk. When I look at you I don't see your father. I see the man I know will protect me from anything and everything. I see a man I know will love me no matter what. I see a man who is the father of my child, and I know you will never do anything to hurt her. I see the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Nicko I don't see a monster. I see my god damn hero."
"I want to be good." He whispered, leaning his face on my chest as I wrapped my arms around him.
"You are good." I said back, kissing his hair. "You're the best person I've ever known."
"You're better." He said, his voice muffled against my skin.
I smiled. "Of course I am. I'm your girl, I have to be better."
Nicko lifted his head and smiled, his eyes searching mine. "I love you." He whispered, cupping my cheek.
I put my hand over his. "I love you too."
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-Rachel
