CHAPTER 36- Funeral
Demi's POV
I held Nicko's hand tightly as the private jet to New York took off. Mia was sleeping peacefully in her carrier and I hope she stayed that way, not wanting to be that mom with the screaming kid even if we were the only ones on the plane. Nicko's thumb swiped against the back of my palm and a small smile played on his lips.
"I've missed this."
I bit my lip, "Nicko-"
"I know I know, I'm just saying, I missed just being with you."
I sighed, "I missed being with you too."
Nicko hesitated for a second, "I was going to ask you something."
I looked up at him, "What is it?"
"I was wondering if... while we're around my mom and my other family, we could pretend that we're still good. I know it's asking a lot I just don't want my mom to know we've broken up because it'll crush her."
I hesitated, then slowly nodded, "I can do that."
Nicko blinked, "Really?"
I shrugged shyly, "Well what does pretending entail?"
"Nothing you're not comfortable with... I guess just pretending you're in love with me again."
I sighed, "Nicko I wouldn't be pretending. I do love you, but I can't trust you enough to be with you."
He lowered his head, "I know."
It was silent for a few seconds and then he leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
I reached up to touch his cheek, "Talk to me."
He shook his head, "I don't want to upset you."
I frowned, "You won't, now come on, tell me."
He looked down at our intertwined fingers, "I'm just trying to prepare myself for you leaving again once we get back to LA."
My breath caught and I too looked down, "Oh."
He nodded, "Yeah."
I sighed and shook my head, "Don't think about it."
Nicko half smiled, "I can't just not think about it. I can't think about anything else anymore. I just keep picturing you slamming that door over and over again and then the phone call-"
He broke off and tears filled his eyes, I bit my lip and shook my head, "Nicko I didn't mean anything I said in that phone call. I was hurt, and angry."
"I know that, but it's all true. I am a monster, that night I became my father."
I gripped the back of his neck, forcing him to look at me. "Listen to me, you are NOTHING like your father. You're kind, and compassionate, and loving. You love Mia with all of your heart and I know you will protect her with everything you have. You are not a monster. You have control, but sometimes it wavers. Do I believe you would have hit me that night? I honestly can't tell you no. But, I can't judge you for it because it's the way you grew up, constantly in that fighting environment. Nicko the reason that we can't be together isn't because I don't love you. It's because we both know what it's like to grow up in a situation where our parents fought like savages, screaming and cursing at each other. You can't honestly tell me you don't see the similarities between us and your parents, because I do with my mom and Patrick. I love you baby, but we have to think about Mia before our own emotions."
