Indebted

Indebted 25

...It is still you that my heart yearns for,
It still you that my eyes long to see,
It is still you that my mouth want to taste of,

You are seem happy with someone's else arms now,
I am loving you still from a distance,
Years had passed but my feelings had never changed
Same old days...

Solemn hearts needs warmth,
Closed eyes seek for a tightened gaze,
And zipped lips must be touched with care.

Old habits never dies.
Same old ways never transited.
What was been will always remains.
The same old shits...

The poem made my lips formed  into a thin line. Parang nananadya ang pagkakataon. Napailing na lang ako dahil sa nabasa ko.

I folded the page and closed the book when I heard several knocks from my door. It was passed 10:00 in the morning when we finally arrived at our destination.

I stood up from my seat and made a way through the door.

Our conversation didn't ended up so well. Tinawag na kasi kami. And by then, we didn't discussed it anymore.

Tila nasa abnormal na naman ang kondisyon ng puso ko. It is Jimenez standing in front of me.

Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya habang hinihintay siyang magsalita. Gustuhin ko mang umiwas ng tingin pero sadyang mahirap iyon gawin.

"Let's have lunch together, Raine." I didn't find some words in order for me to say something. Good thing, I still have the ability to nod.

This is just a business lunch, there is no more than that. I know the right thing. I know my place. I know my boundaries. I have morals.

Iyon dapat ang tandaan ko. Kadalasan talagang paganahin ang utak dahil minsan napapahamak rin tayo sa isinisigaw ng ating puso. Alam ko naman din kasing wala akong laban pag susugal ako. Una pa lang ay talo na ako, sa batas at maging sa mata ng Diyos.

Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako nung sumunod na ako sa yapak niya. He stared at me when we are on the elevator. Maging ang pagkunot ng kanyang noo ay napansin rin iyon ng mga mata ko.

"Something wrong?" I heard him asked. Ngayon ay nakadirekta na ang titig niya sa papabukas na elevator.

"About from what we'd talked, let just set things clear. I---"

"I know. It is wrong. Mali ang ginawa ko. You love some one else now. I'm not your happiness anymore. And besides, may pamilya na ako kaya di na ako maari pang magmahal ng bukod sa iba. Bawal ka nang mahalin. Is that what you want, right?" I don't know if he really meant it or he is just being sarcastic. Ang mahalaga ngayon alam niya kung ano ang gusto ko.

"Yes, that's it." I bite my lower lip upon answering him. Yun dapat ang gugustuhin ko. Iyon ang tama.

"You are telling me to fake all of these Raine. Sarili ko lang ang niloloko ko." Akala ko ba naintindihan na niya? Alin ba sa sinabi niya ang naunawaan niya?

I was challenge from what he said. So what is her trying to imply? 

"Now you explain to me, bakit mo ako iniwan sa ere para lang piliin siya? Why you fuckin' leave me Winter?" I plainly asked him. We are still standing, parang walang nangyayari di maganda. Thus, atmosphere says the otherwise.

Mga ilang segundo rin yung hinintay ko para sumagot siya. "I have to. I was oblique ----" I smile but it never reach my eyes. There is a hint of painful pang on my curved lips.

"Then you aren't true to yourself even before so why not continue it? Doon ka naman magaling diba?  Nagawa mo nga noon, bakit di mo na lang iyon ipagpapatuloy?" I said bitterly. Hindi ako nakatitig sa kanya. Umaakto lang kaming may pinag-uusapan lang. Mabuti na lang at kaming dalawa lang ang nakasakay.