Home (H.S)

matter over mind

"You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece. And now you're tearing through the pages and the ink. Everything is blue, his pains, his hands, his jeans and now I'm covered in the colors pulled apart at the seams. And it's blue. Everything is grey, his hair, his smoke, his dreams and now he's so devoid of color, he don't know what it means."

Eleanor's POV

If I wasn't so pissed at Harry I would march down to his room and tell him to turn down his music. I had no idea what he was up to but I know one of his friends is visiting. When I went down to have lunch I smelled the weed and heard his music coming from the game room.

Eliza one of the workers here told me it was Zayn who came over. She said all they did was smoke and drink. I had to pretend I didn't care but I hoped Harry wasn't doing anything reckless. True to his word he left me alone. He removed all his stuff from our room and into the guest room. We saw each other around the house but I never talked to him.

It still hurt knowing that Harry had done what he did. I wanted to talk to someone about my situation and ask what I should do. Les and Analiy were busy with school so I couldn't bother them. Anyone else was out of the question because it simply doesn't make sense.

I wanted to let Harry off the hook since he did have a point. At the beginning there was no obligation to be loyal to me. I'm fine about the girl he slept with before the wedding. But him fucking his assistant every day since we came back? The whole time I thought he was working late...

I want to puke just thinking that his lips kissed hers and then he kissed me. He touched her and then touched me. It was an endless cycle of disgust. Sometimes I wanted to pour bleach into my brain so I could forget Harry's lips on mine. Forget what it was like when he made me come undone.

I hate Harry but I also miss him. I miss feeling him in our bed and sleeping with his arms around me. Sometimes I almost want to ask him to come back. But I always stop myself. I told him there weren't any more chances for us. I have to stick to my word.

Harry and I are just complete opposites. It would have never worked out anyway. We didn't meet under normal circumstances, much less fall in love. I has been a burden to him since the start. He was only here because of a favor to my family and I go along blurring the lines.

I thought I could do things without getting attached but I was wrong. Things don't work like that. You don't shut your feelings off when you're with someone.

Suddenly I hear the sound of things being smashed against the wall. I want to ignore it but it happens again - this time louder. I frown as I get off my bed. I don't want to deal with this but Harry is probably drunk or something. I have to make sure he isn't hurting himself or something.

I slip on a bigger T-shirt since all I had on was some material shorts and a tank top. I open my door and walk over to the room where Harry was staying. It is farther down the hall from our room but close enough. One of the girls is already outside deciding whether to enter or not. When she sees me walking up, she looks relieved.

"Mr. Harry is having one of his episodes, Ms. Eleanor," she says. I frown not understanding what she means. One of his episodes?

"What does that mean?" I ask.

"He hasn't been taking his medicine this week for his borderline disorder. Every time he does, he has these rage fits and destroys everything in his path," she explains.