Home (H.S)

truth in plain sight

"I'm in danger, danger
He's dangerous, danger straight ahead
Danger, danger
He's dangerous, danger straight ahead."

Eleanor’s POV 

I thought being home would bring me a sense of comfort but it doesn’t. It has been 8 months since I've been discharged but the feeling of being home hasn't kicked in yet. I wanted it to feel like I was home already.

I am staying in one of the guest bedrooms while our room is getting fixed. The carpet had to be changed because of the massive blood stains that wouldn't come out. We also needed a new bed also because the old one was too much of a reminder of what had happened. I don’t understand why this takes 8 months to fix, but I know I am the only one not ready to re-enter that room.

As far as I knew Harry is sleeping in his man cave. I see him about once a day, maybe twice if I was lucky. I asked for space but I didn't expect to get this much of it. He always came in when he got home from work and would wish me a good night. Sometimes he'd ask about how my day went. He never touches me. I think he is still afraid but I don’t know how to tell him it was okay.

I don't even know if I am okay with it, honestly. I just know I miss how things were before. I couldn't help but still wonder what Leslie had meant. I don’t want to go behind anyone's back; I just want whatever the truth is to come from Harry. I don't push the subject further because he's been restless and I can see it.

The bags under his eyes had worsen in these past few days and I think he's even lost some weight too. I know I have to say something because I don’t want him to think I didn't care. When I try asking him, he just shrugs it off saying it was just work getting a bit harder on him.

I get out of bed deciding I would walk around a bit just to stretch my legs. I am bored of being secluded. Maybe I could stop by the library and read a book or two. I could go into one of the game rooms to play on one of the gaming systems. I'd rather do anything than just sitting here. Harry wouldn't be home till much later so I have time to just wander around the house.

I wasn't supposed to walk a lot so that I wouldn't get lightheaded. I was out of immediate danger anyway, I just have to take it easy. I find myself wandering into the library instead of the gaming room like I'd originally planned. I wonder if there are any books in here I’d like.

A sense of nostalgia blooms inside of me. I remember that Ashton was into books just like me. I hadn't spent that much time with Les since she spent all her time with Ashton at the hospital.

He was in an awful car accident about the same time I got out of hospital. It left him in a persistent vegetative state. There was a good chance Ashton could wake up. Leslie spent her time at his side talking to him, in hopes that it would somehow help him come back. I feel horrible that my best friend is going through this just when they had finally come out of their rough patch. His family wanted to pull the plug knowing Ashton wouldn't have wanted to be kept alive like that.

Leslie was the one who couldn't let go and the Irwins loved her like a daughter, they couldn't deny her that they said. I wanted what was best for her but some days I agree that Ashton wouldn't have wanted this. I miss him; who wouldn't? He is one of my best guy friends and I just felt like his life was cut short.

I don't blame Leslie much though because if it was Harry I'd want to hold on too for as long as I can. It's kind of funny to miss someone who was alive in a sense but also dead.