Home (H.S)

paris

"In silent screams;
In wildest dreams
I never dreamed of this."

Harry’s POV

"Harry, you're okay! You're with me!" I hear a voice call out but my ears are still ringing. I can hear my heart beat in my ears and the pants coming out of my mouth. I shut my eyes trying to get rid of the images from my nightmare.

"I'm right here." Eleanor murmurs and I feel her hands stroking through my hair. I pull away from her for a second to focus my train of thought.

"I need a moment to myself, Eleanor." I murmur, looking away from her.

"Are you sure? I can stay right here and just hold you," she offers, reaching out to me. I am touched by her gesture but every time I have a nightmare I prefer to be alone. It isn't a good time for me.

"Yes. I'm just going to have a smoke and will then come back to sleep," I mumble, moving to get out of bed. I have to stop though because I feel a soft hand on my hand pulling me back.

"No, talk to me instead. I don't like that you're turning to drugs for this. I'm here now." Eleanor pleads.

"Eleanor, I can't; not right now." I shake my head. I appreciate that she wants to help but this is something I’m used to dealing with on my own.

"Harry, I'm your girlfriend. Cringe all you want but I'm supposed to be here for you in moments like this. I want to be here," she murmurs, pulling me back closer to her.

"Elle...," I sigh before mustering an answer for her, "I don't want to talk and I'm sure that's what you want me to do. But I don't talk about my feelings. I don't want to...at least not right now," I mumble, lying fully back down on the bed. 

"How does smoking make this better?" Eleanor asks in a sarcastic tone.

"It helps me forget why I was having a nightmare." I sigh.

"What are you nightmares about?" She murmurs, snuggling closer to me.

"Many things, Elle. A lot of dark and fucked up shit that I'm not ready to discuss," I mumble. "Can I please go now?"

"You can smoke Harry I won't stop you. But I won't like it," Eleanor responds looking up at me.

"You're not hoping I change my drug habits do you?" I question, eying her warily.

"I don't mind that you smoke. I just don't like the fact that you do it for some reason you don’t want to discuss,” she explains running a hand up into my hair.

"I don't want you to see me like this. You say you can take it because of what you saw in the room, but it's worse than that Eleanor. It gets worse than that." I sigh, taking her hand into my mine. "I know drugs and alcohol isn't the answer. But it's the only thing that helps. I can't talk to anyone. I know you've offered to listen but it's not that easy." 

"You haven't even tried talking to me Harry! You've told me bits and pieces but how can I help you if I don't know the whole picture?" Eleanor murmurs, putting both arms on my chest and then her head on top of them.

"It's an ugly picture," I joke.

"We don't know each other very well but I care so much about you." Eleanor says suddenly. It feels like someone punched my stomach before I get a warm and fuzzy feeling.