Home (H.S)

the crazy kind

"Because a part of me always feels like she was forced upon me. Like I made myself love her because she was there and I was tired of being lonely. I don't know why it feels like someone chooses the love of my life for me. But it does and I don't understand it."

Eleanor’s POV

The breeze feels amazing from where I am standing on the balcony. I have a cup of French coffee in my hands along with some sweet bread. I had ordered breakfast for us but Harry is still sleeping.

This morning when I woke up I decided to come out here and think about everything. I slipped on my pink camisole and tied my hair in a lazy bun.  

Seeing the sunrise over the Eiffel Tower is beautiful. I suddenly thought of my grandparents. They lived not too far from where Harry and I are staying now. I would love to visit them but I don't know if Harry would want to. Maybe I could step out for a bit?

No, that would be rude. He brought me to Paris to spend time with him. I could see them some other time, I guess. 

I don't really feel any different today. Not how I thought I would. Maybe it wasn't in the right sense but what I did wasn't bad, was it? 

I lost my virginity to my husband. Even though Harry was the last person I thought it would have happened with - even if we didn't get married for the right reasons. I mean, both of us didn't mean shit to each other at the wedding and even the vows were bullshit. But we feel something for each other now, so does that make up for it?

*I am not religious nor am I trying to make the following come off as how being religious is like. This is just work of fiction and I'm sorry if it offends you in any way. Feel free to skip this section :)*

Would God punish me for that? I mean, I sinned big time with the whole wedding facade. But was this going to add up to my list of where I have failed my beliefs?

Because I don't regret Harry at all. I don't regret what happened between us whatsoever. I just didn't like that I went against my beliefs. Was there another alternative?

I haven't gone to a church or done anything religious since I got married. How did I all of a sudden stop? I was never the type to fail. Maybe I needed some reassurance or some answers from my church.

Before I am able to continue my thought process I feel arms wrap around my waist and lips against my hair. I shudder but can’t deny the happiness that spreads through me.

"Morning, love." Harry murmurs. His arms tighten around me while I turn around to hug him.

"Morning." I murmur back, leaning in to hug him. I close my eyes and just focus on Harry's heartbeat. It manages to silence everything out in my head. But after a few seconds I let go to look up at him.

"I ordered some breakfast,” I say.

"I noticed." Harry smiles at me.

That makes me feel like something light up inside of me. I feel a tug at my heartstrings.

"God, I adore your smile." I said abruptly, voicing my thoughts.

"I adore you," he replies.

"Thank you..." I begin slowly, "last night was amazing, Harry. I don't know how to thank you for making it so amazing."