U, Me & She

Chapter 5 - Dana's Flavor of the Month

Bob Marley’s “Every Little Thing” blares from her phone as her ringtone as it alerts her of an incoming call.  Seeing who the call is from she immediately swipes the screen on her smart phone to "ignore" before continuing her nightly ritual.

Step 1

Using a razor, she breaks up the weed, and then removes all of the seeds and stems chopping them into small pieces.  Selecting the larger buds, she separates them due to them burning more slowly and making her joint to burn unevenly.

Step 2

Opening a fresh pack of Newport 100s, she pulls out one of the cigarettes, and rolls it in a manner to allow the tobacco to fall from it and mixes it with the broken down weed.

Step 3

She then places the mixture to the side and tears a piece off of an empty frosted flakes box for the roach.

Step 4

Then, she folds the papers in half, and sprinkles the mixture eloquently down the middle evenly and lays the roach down the center at one end before rolling it up.

Step 5

Finally, she licks the sticky strip of the paper to seal the joint.

  Lightly twisting both ends of it, she does a little jig as she looks around for her lighter.  She checks her pockets, behind and under the pillows on the couch, atop all of the surfaces of all of her furniture..... nothing.

 "Shit!" She says as she tries to recall where she last saw it.  After nearly thirty minutes of searching, she finally says “Fuck it”.

  Then pulls out a small plastic bag full of powdered substance, scoops a pinch underneath the nail of her pinkie finger and snorts it.  Nodding her head in approval, she says to herself loudly "WHOO Good shit!"

 Suddenly, her Bob Marley ringtone sounds off once again.She tosses her hair back and sighs as she grabs the phone and takes a look at the caller ID to see who was calling her.  The call was from her fiancé Edward whom she avoided for the last couple of days.  She has a change of heart and decides to actually answer the phone this time:

Dana:  “Hello?”

Edward: “Hey baby, I’ve been trying to reach you.  Is everything okay?”

Dana:  “Yeah, everything’s fine.  You know I’m on this new medication and it takes me out of it from time to time.” 

Edward: “I know baby, it’s good to hear your voice.  I was getting a little worried for a second.  So, uhhh….have you thought about any dates that you want to do it yet?  I can’t keep pushing the date back.  I’ve had to call everyone that we sent invitations to on three occasions already and I this time, I want to make sure that everything is perfect or whether or not we are actually doing this at all.”

Dana:  “I know and I’m so sorry.  I just wanted to make sure I was off of these meds before I did something like that.  You don’t have to worry…”

Edward:  “I understand completely. I’m sorry I even asked being that you are in the condition that you are in.  Just let me know if any dates pop in your head so that I can plan accordingly.” 

Dana: “Okay babe.  Smooches!”  She says before abruptly hanging up the phone. 

To make a long story short, Dana and Edward just met recently.  One night Dana puts it on him so good in bed that he returned to her condo the next day with a bouquet of flowers, a live mariachi band and a proposal.  In the heat of the moment, Dana says “Yes”.  Immediately regretting her response, she got herself into a dilemma when the next day she took the Platinum Engagement ring that detailed 12 gr., 14 mm, 10.05 carat center, 1.63 carat sides and pawned the $199, 845 ring for $50,000. 

To her dismay, that $50,000 disappeared quickly from her buying:

Christian Louboutin Botalili boots features a structural silhouette and stiletto heel for a leg-lengthening, wow effect.  Smooth leather upper.  4" covered heel1/2" platform3 1/2" equiv. 16" height14" circumference.  Round toe. Full-length inside zip. Covered stretch gore inset. Signature Christian Louboutin red leather outsole priced at $1,395.00 for her, her mother, her sister, her bestie, and her cousin for a grand total of $6,975

A used Lexus IS 250 C F Sport, 204 horsepower, 0-60 in 8.4 seconds, 30 MPG rating (hwy), F SPORT-tuned suspension and bold styling, 18-inch Dark Graphite wheels for a grand total of $35,260 

Both equaling $42,235 leaving her with $7,765

Of the $7,765, she used  of it to support her medicinal habit leaving her with a sum total of (drum roll please…..)

$3,990 remaining.  Goddamn….

She’s been trying her best to scheme up a plot to shake Edward due to her inability to commit to a relationship, but hasn’t mustered the courage to inform him of her outlandish spending habits.   She can hear from the tone in his voice that he is doing his best to remain patient, but knows that this will not last very long.  Fortunately for her, she has plenty of medicine to take her mind off of things until she formulates the perfect plan.

Walking towards her patio, she grabs her pack of Newports with cell phone and slides the glass sliding door back.  She leans against the rail and pulls out a cigarette, only to remember that she cannot find the lighter.  Distraught, she tosses the cigarette over the side, takes a deep breath, and makes an attempt to call Edward to let him know of what she did.  With a shakey hand, she dials the number as she closes her eyes out of fear of his reaction.  The phone rings several times as she intends to hang up on the sixth ring, when suddenly, she hears “Hello?”

Noticing that the voice sounded different than what she expected, she asks “May I speak to Edward?”  The man on the other end of the phone replies by saying “I’m sorry ma’am, you dialed the wrong number.”  She exhales a sigh of relief as she asks “Did I dial 555-674-8875?”  He responds with “No ma’am.  May I ask who’s calling?”  She folds her arms and leans against the rail as she responds by saying “Dana.  And whom may I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

  He pauses for a second sounding as if he is covering up the phone, then says “Lorenzo….”