Nighttime

Chapter 10 - Habits

The walk from Michaels room to the guest room I moved in, is a walk of shame. Running into Ashton as I close the door behind me, I can see that he knows what we did, but he keeps quiet, just smiling at me.
Luke doesn't leave me alone though. He gets up from the sofa as I walk past him, following me to my room and closing the door behind him. Calmly he sits down on the bed, looking up and down my blanket wrapped figure, saying only one word: "Why?" I shrug, trying my best to hide how much I was shaking. As I walk over to my suitcase to grab something to wear, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and freeze in motion. Dark purple spots cover the complete right sight of my neck down to my collarbones and along my jawline. Even my neck shows some, and as I gently lay my hands on them, I notice that it was an imprint of Michaels hand. My gaze meets Luke's in the mirror, and I can tell that he is not only worried about me, but also mad at Michael.
Entering the on suite bathroom I slip on a hoodie and shorts, brush my hair and wash my face. My lips are swollen from the harsh kisses, and for some seconds I close my eyes as the memory of his lips and mine a couple of minutes ago runs through my mind.
A knock on the door makes me turn around, Luke's voice hollow through the wooden door: "Are you gonna come out?" "Uh, yes one second." Quickly brushing my hair down and draping it over my neck, I unlock the door and see Luke standing at the window and looking out at the sundown.
"He's manipulating you." It's not a question, though it feels like he wants me to confirm it, and I just open my mouth but no words come out. He turns around, his teeth nonstop working on his lip ring. "What time is it?" Confused, I check my phone. "8:37, why?" He nods, then grabs my hand. "We're gonna do it like we did back home with Jack. Get in the car, drive around until you can talk. That always worked, remember?" Memories from my teenage years flood my mind, Jack, Luke and me in the car, and after some minutes the words had always started coming without end.

*Troye Sivan - YOUTH / not because of the lyrics but mostly because I love the feel good vibe of the song*

We soon sat in Luke's black car, the windows rolled down and rolled down onto the street. "You can smoke in here if you want." I look over at him with surprise. "Are you serious?" "Yeah, it's fine. I've picked it up myself, and there's quiet often a person in here that smokes anyways." I wrinkle my forehead as I listen to his cryptic words but decide to ask him another time. Instead, I light up a cigarette and hand one to my twin as well. The warm wind blows through the open windows and my hair, and I lean my head back as we drive onto the freeway leading to the city's outskirts.
"I know he's doing it. Manipulating me. He's done it before, and it always works." "Why?" He repeats his question from before, but this time I know how to answer it. "Because I love him. I love him so much, that when we're apart I feel like I'm going to die, like my body has stopped working and I'm just running on the last bits of energy that it produces. The thought of being without him hurts so much Luke, I'm not able to breathe when I think about it. No matter what he says, my answer is yes, because I don't want to lose or anger him." "But you did tell him that you're breaking up, didn't you? Why did that work?" "It barely did. I knew that if I stayed in that room with him any longer I would accept whatever he says, and it was the only thing I knew in that moment." "You wanted to hurt him?" "Just like he hurt me."
A couple of minutes pass and we drive in silence until Luke sighs and pulls over, we're no longer on the freeway, and parks the car in a small spot next to a park.
He turns towards me. "Look Em, we both know you're struggling with relationships. Once you like someone, you fall head over heels. That's not a secret. But you're way too dependent on Michael. You got to stop that." Biting my lip I turn away, looking out the window. It wasn't that I didn't want to answer, I had just no idea what to say. He was right, and he knew it. "He's my best friend, and I love him and I want him to be happy. But you're my sister. And you've got to move on, go your own way. At least for now."