Nighttime

Chapter 24 - There for you

»I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be, so desperate to find a way out of my world and finally breathe«

December
"Okay, I made a list with all the things we'll need for Christmas Eve. It has the food, the party decorations, a few goodies for the guests-" "Emilia." Harry stopped me mid sentence, amusement in his eyes. "What?" "Calm down. It's not my first Christmas. I've gone shopping before." I sigh, a heavy breath released from deep within my chest. "I know, I'm sorry. It's just that-" "That you want it to be perfect, I know. Still I'm gonna repeat myself: calm down." Slamming the list I held on the kitchen counter I grit my teeth. "I am calm Harry." He leans back in his chair, the same amusement in his face as before. "I can tell." "Stop doing this, stop being like - like this! I hate it." "Yeah no shit." Throwing my hands up in surrender I groan. "Okay, you won. Congratulations. I'm fucking nervous. Who the fuck came up with the idea that we're gonna invite everyone. Including our families and celebrate at Luke's place." We both knew that the families and the place weren't my problem. My problem was that inviting everyone meant Michael would be there. I still hadn't told my parents that we'd ended things, which meant we could either have a huge drama crash the festivities or play our roles.
Weeks had gone by since I'd seen him the last time at his birthday. His eyes had been cried red and dry, his cheeks hollow and covered in stubble that he was too tired to shave off. For the sake of Harry and the others I pretended to be better, that I was was getting back on track, but deep down we all knew that I played happy little scenes and broke down when I was alone. I'd learned to cover my dark circles so I looked like I was just tired. To put on a smile so fake and wrong that it hurt. To act like I was happy.
I came out to L.A. to full fill my dreams, to live happily ever after with Michael and to become the person that I couldn't be back at home. All that I now had was a broken heart and uncountable shattered pieces.

»Right before my eyes I saw, my heart it came to life«

Of course the first weeks had been amazing. Before I'd only dropped in to visit but when I first moved here, I was so sure that this was the place that was meant for me. However I now knew that it wasn't. I was a restless soul, not made to stay in one place, wanting to wander and explore. Yet at the same time, I wanted to be home. To be with him. It tore me apart.

»This ain't easy it's not meant to be, every story has its scars«

Christmas came sooner than I had expected, only two days left. I was supposed to pick up Luke, Calum, Mary and Michael after grocery shopping so we could spend the day together before heading back over for Christmas. The closer that point came, the more nervous I got. It didn't take me long enough to pick up everything we needed and head towards my brothers house. Sitting in the driveway and waiting for them to come out, my hands started shaking and I started wheezing, panicking.
"Ems?" A knock on the drivers window and my brothers worried voice had me lift my head from the steering wheel, unlocking the car for him to get in. Instead he opened my door, pulling me out. Luke held on to my shoulders while I held on to his wrists, trying to find peace in his blue eyes. "Emilia you need to breathe. Deep breaths." Michael popped up behind him, panic in his face as he saw me struggling. "Panic attack." He whispered, of course knowing what was troubling me and gently pushing Luke aside so he could get to me. I didn't flinch back. He helped me lean against the car, standing close to me, one hand on my cheek forcing me to look up at him.

»When the pain cuts you deep, when the night keeps you from sleeping; just look and you will see that I will be your remedy«

Michael's POV
"It's okay. This happened before, you know it's going to be alright." Softly mumbling the words I knew she needed to hear I rubbed circles on her waist with my other hand.
Seconds passed as I waited for her to get better, but her wheezing just got worse. It's intensity brought her to her knees, the sensation of not getting enough air frightening her further. Emilia's nails dug into my skin as she tried to hold on. "Baby, I need you to relax." I heard Luke calling out for Calum and Mary, Emilia's sister running out as she noticed what was happening and immediately trying to push me away. "Michael she needs to calm down and she can't with you." "Mary shut up I've helped her through this a million times." She gritted her teeth, again trying to get me away from her sister when Calum locked his arms around her tiny body. "Leave him Mary. I promise you he's helping."

Suddenly her head fell forward, against my shoulder. "Baby please." Her wheezing hadn't stopped. This was the worst panic attack I'd ever seen her in. Worry laces my voice as I quietly begin to sing her favourite song for her. Adele's Remedy.
Her hands clawed into my body relaxed, the tension leaving her body she fully falls against me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "That's it, such a good girl." Pushing her hair out of her face I hold her tight, giving her the rock she needed now. "You're not alone. I am here. I won't leave you."

»When the world seems so cruel and your heart makes you feel like a fool; I promise you will see that I will be, I will be your remedy«

"Mike we can't stay out here. There's tons of paparazzi." I nod silently, agreeing with him. They were just waiting for something like this. Emilia and Michael, is it a reunion?
I could already see the headlines and the rumours spreading. Pregnancy. A wedding. Engagement. Whatever the media could make money off, they used and with that threw us in the fire pit.

With Luke's help I lift her into the car, following directly behind and pulling her onto my lap.
I don't notice how the others get in the car. I don't realise that we start driving, don't see the flashing camera lights once we're through our gate. All I knew was her in my arms.

Her breath had slowed down, calming my nervous heart. One arm wrapped around her middle I held her tight, the other one holding her head. We hadn't spoken in weeks and I wasn't sure what terms we'd ended on, but having her here now felt right. The bleeding hole in my heart that she'd left was filled, and I knew that she was all I had ever ached for.
"Mi-michael?" Lifting her head from my chest, she looked at me. "Hi Kitten." A smile appeared on her lips, her pale cheeks taking on a rosy tint. "Thank you." I knew that she was talking about helping her during her panic attack, and even though I was glad that I had been there to help her and she wasn't alone, it was something I would always do. No matter what our relationship was.

»No river is too wide or too deep for me to swim to you. Come whenever, I'll be the shelter that won't let the rain come through«

The drive from Luke's place to Harry's had always been short, but today it felt like the longest car ride I'd ever endured. It wasn't bad though, it was exactly what I needed.
My loves body cuddled into mine, I felt safe. Rain washed over the window as we drove through the city that should have been our safe haven. Now it only seemed cruel to me, driving her and me apart to the point where someone we'd trusted all our lives seemed like both our biggest enemy and needed remedy. I didn't know what we would do once we had to get out of this car, how things would be, but there was one thing I knew: I loved her, and I always would.

»Your love, it is my truth; and I will always love you.«

Emilia's POV
Luke stopping the car at Harry's place, I sat up on Michael's lap as he opened the door. The bright daylight outside hurt my eyes, having me bury my face back at his neck. "Hey." He chuckled, hands heavy on my lower back. "We can't stay in this car forever." "What if I want to?" Looking at me for a long moment, he gently drags his thumb over my lips before whispering his answer. "Believe me, so do I. Let's just head inside, and we'll talk. Okay?"

»When the pain cuts you deep, when the night keeps you from sleeping. Just look and you will see that I will be your remedy.
When the world seems so cruel and your heart makes you feel like a fool; I promise you will see that I will be, I will be your remedy«

______________________
I tried something new with the lyrics in between, I hope you guys like it. This chapter was super emotional for me to write using this special song, since it means so fucking much to me.
(Adele - Remedy)
Hoping you all enjoy.
- e x