Nighttime

Chapter 25 - Paper Thin

  Michael's POV

Running my fingers through her soft hair, I watch Emilia's relaxed face. She had been sound asleep the second we stepped into the house, curling up in my lap as I sat down on the bed with her. Despite everyone looking at us as I carried her inside, I did not stop for a second. This was our moment now, our time to figure it all out. By no means did I want to wake her up, even if it was only to prolong the silence until I had to face my actions.

Interrupting my thoughts, she all of sudden began tossing and turning, her formerly calm face began distorting, whimpers falling from her lips. "It's only a nightmare, wake up baby." She tensed up, throwing fists as if to fight something in her dream. "Emilia!" Shaking her body to wake her up, I leaned in. "For god's sake Ems, please wake up."

As quick as it came, it's over. Jolting up she digs her nails into my shoulders as she comes to a halt, her breath still quicker than usual. "It was only a dream baby, only a dream." Emilia sighs, letting go off and looking up at me. "I know, I know. I am okay."

Emilia's POV

Clinging on to my steaming cup of tea, I watch how Michael scoots around on the floor opposite me, uneasy and nervous. "I'm not going to kill you." He scoffs sarcastically. "Why does it feel like that then?" "Because you don't feel like you did anything wrong?" He freezes mid motion and looks at me. "Why in hell would you say that?" "Because that's what it feels like. When I left you, you were so sure that I would come running back. You would have sworn you did nothing wrong. Now when I woke up earlier, it was like it had been before our fight. You didn't even think twice about cuddling me, having me again. That was just magically wired into your brain." "Hold up – no one said you had to enjoy my presence? No one forced you to cuddle me."

» You used to always let me in, do you even know you changed? And now you're my favourite sin, cause I'm either on your side or you're a mile away «

"That's not the point Michael. Of course I enjoyed being back in your arms, god." Bitterly laughing, I set my cup down. "It was the best thing I felt in weeks, it was heaven, nothing hurt and I wanted to stay there forever starting now, but I can't just ignore what happened. You lied to me, treated me like shit. Acted as if I was your toy." "I'm sorry Emilia." He'd gotten up and stepped in, reaching out for me but I backed up. "No. You can't just say that you are sorry and expect me to run back in your arms. Do you know how you made me feel? I wanted to die Michael, I felt like shit yet I was too weak to see how toxic you were. I don't know what happened with you when you stayed home from Europe, I don't know what was going on because you didn't talk to me. I wish I could have helped you. I tried to help you, again and again and again. And you hurt me. Again, and again and again." "Emilia-" "No Michael, now you listen. I've been there, trying to reach you, trying to help you figure out what was wrong. And you pushed me away. You insulted me, made sure to hurt me."

» I got you figured out, you need to have control. You think that I don't know you, I know you, I know. Trying to tell you now, I've been doing what you want «

Tears filled my eyes to the brim as I called him out, my voice turning to a whisper as pain took over my heart. "You used me. Took whatever you wanted, took me when you wanted. Even if I didn't." Staring at him I couldn't hold back any longer, heavy sobs breaking over my lips. "Do you even love me anymore?" His head shot up. "I do, please baby you need to believe me. Of course I do, I love you more than life itself. I wish I could tell you how sorry I am for the way I acted, for what I did-" "How are you ever going to excuse that you abused me?" Michael went pale, searching for words. "But- but I thought you enjoyed it- I mean, I -" My patience snapped, helpless I began to scream. "I was crying Michael, begging you to stop. You just pushed me down, holding me down until I didn't resist anymore. That's sick." "I felt alone, okay? The future scared me, everything scared me. I don't want to lose myself. Going to Europe again would've been a huge step, we're planning the next world tour, the next album. I felt alone and like I had no one. My mind was a constant mess, nothing felt right anymore and it all hurt so much. I just had to numb everything." "Including me?" My voice cracked, his words had shattered every last intact piece that held me together. "No. I just didn't want you to worry." "So you cut me out off your life and treated me like a piece of shit. Genius." Turning around to leave I could feel his presence so clearly I had to clench my teeth. I knew he wanted to reach out for me, hold me back and somehow repair what he'd left of me. But he couldn't.

» But I won't be your yes girl, no not anymore. Just let me go, just let me go «

"Maybe I should move somewhere else. Leaving everyone behind would hurt less than this. I'm going to inform our families."
As he finally steps in to grab my wrist, I look at him. The boy I had fallen for years ago. The man that I'd come to love. The raging storm that shattered me into a million pieces. He wasn't who I used to know.
Yanking my arm out of his grip, I swallow hard. "Stay away from me Michael."

» Won't be your yes girl, no not anymore «

Finding the strength to pick up the phone and call my mom was incredibly hard. She'd always been supportive of my relationship with Michael, but I couldn't fake this anymore. Of course calling her turned into skyping. She was using every opportunity to see me that she could get.
"Hey sweetie!" Hey Mumma." "We're all so excited to come see you guys! Look who's here! Karen, Joy, Anne Marie and Celina!" "I guess this is going to be a public announcement then." Liz studied my face for a while, seeing my red eyes and the remaining tear stains. "Emilia are you okay honey?" "Yeah, yeah I'm okay mom. Michael and I are no longer together. We've decided to part ways." Silence. No one said a word, shock written across everyone's face. Except for one person. Celina. She'd seen it coming.
Karen steps closer to the camera, her lips trembling. "Sweetie, what happened? Is that a final decision?" A lump forms in my throat as I try to find the right words. No matter how ugly it had gotten between him and me, I'd never tell our parents. "I just- some stuff happened." It took me a few long seconds to form the words, but as I said them, I wasn't sure if it was honest. "It's final."

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Okay I'm crying. This was the hardest chapter to write.
- e x