Nighttime

Chapter 17 - Less Is More

       

August

*State Champs – All Or Nothing*

"I'll see you tomorrow." Pressing a kiss to Michael's forehead, I finished my daily visit in the hospital, and put another tally mark in my notebook. 5 weeks had passed since the tragic accident, and he had shown no sign of waking up or getting remarkably better.
Luke and Niall had been sent home two weeks ago, Nessa and Vani taking care of them as good as they could in my brother's house. I couldn't bear to be with them, and the only time I'd gone back was to pack some of mine and Michael's stuff and move into the flat that he'd given me for my birthday.
It was a beautiful place, just like I'd always dreamed it. Brick walls in our living room, off white in our bedroom. Gorgeous wooden floors in all rooms except the bathroom and kitchen, which had marble flooring along with wonderfully chosen white wooden furniture. No doubt it was the place of my dreams, the place I wanted to start my life with Michael, but without him it would never be home.

With a yawn I set down yet another vase with flowers on our kitchen counter. Countless friends and family members had sent flowers, cards and their blessings for him to get better, and even though I knew that it was something they did to ease the worry, it hurt me even more. Today we'd received white lilies, the classical flowers of death.
Forcing myself not to look at them, I entered our bedroom and locked the door behind me before. My hands were shaking and as cold as stone, as they'd always been in the past week. I forcefully opened the drawer of my nightstand, pulling out a small plastic bag with a white substance in it. I'd promised everyone to stay clear of cocaine, but I'd also promised everyone that I'd pay attention to my health. Having lost a fairly big amount of weight, my constantly cold hands and my reoccurring nosebleeds should be a sincere warning for me to take it slow, to consult a doctor or psychiatrist, but as soon as I'd gotten the first push from the drug, I didn't bother. Falling on my back on the bed, I stared up at the ceiling and cracked the knuckles in both my hands, before a strong knock on the door shook me out of my daze. "Emilia, I know you're home. Come on. Don't lock me out of your life." Celina sounded angry and worried, knocking again and again. I tried to block her out, but Michael's baby sister was clever enough not to give up, until I did.
"Calm down, coming." Cleaning up a little of the mess I made, I threw his black oversized hoodie on and opened the door. "Hey." She wrinkled her forehead just like Michael did when he wasn't convinced about something, and my heart sank a little. "You look like shit. When was the last time you ate something?" Pulling me along to the living room, a delicious smell making its way to me. "I ordered some-" "-pizza." I sighed as I saw the two huge pizza cartons on our living room table. I didn't protest this time, I actually sat down with her and even chose a random movie for us to watch so she'd be calmed. Sinking my teeth into a slice of Pizza Hawaii – my favourite –, I actually felt how starved I actually was, and really thought about when I'd have some food for the last time. I had no idea.
Feeling someone watching me, I turned to see Celina staring at me. "He's my brother as well, you know? You're not the only one who's scared of losing him Emilia, but unlike you, I live on. I allow myself moments where I cry and pray for him, but I don't weep all the time." "Shut up." My voice is a hoarse whisper as I shake my head. "You have no idea how much I'm hurting Celina." "He's my brother for fucks sake Emilia." "I don't doubt that you love and miss him, but you've never lost someone that you love as much as I love your brother. You have no right to say those things to me." Now we're both standing, and with my 5ft 8, I was towering over her 5'6" frame. "You have no right whatsoever to be here. You leave now, or I will." "No one is going anywhere." "Fine." It's only a few seconds until I grabbed all that I need, and I don't turn around to look at her. We were both wrong, but both too stubborn to admit. So I left.

*5SOS – Castaway*

It was an unusually cold night for August in L.A., and I pulled the black hoodie tighter around my body. Santa Monica pier was filled with couples that didn't notice the sharp wind. As I watched them, it hurt to be remembered of the day when Michael had taken me here, and we had the whole pier for ourselves as he rented it for our anniversary.
A large group of teenage girls walked in my direction, and before I could turn away, one of them recognised me. 5SOS had calm and humble fans, however these were off the loud and ruthless sort. They came over screaming and pushing each other out of the way, just to be the first ones to reach me.
"Emilia, hey!" I smiled for the tons of smartphones that were probably filming. "How's Michael?" "Making progress." As I heard myself say it, I nearly believed it myself. I sounded so hopeful. "Who cares about the skunk." A tall brunette pushed herself to the front, and smiled unapologetically. "How is Luke? He's the front guy after all, and the most important one." "So you really think that?" I tilted my head as I clenched my hands to fists. I needed a way to lose some tension, and a minor fight was perfect. "Well." She laughed a horrible high pitched laugh. "Of course I do. He's the most important one after all." My fist crushed against her jawline as soon as she finished the sentence, and with a crack I was ensured that I'd broken a finger or two. Blood was dripping down from her lip that she's bitten on, but I wasn't done yet. While other girls tried to hold me back, I aimed for her ribs and landed a punch that threw her off her feet. I was calm when I leaned down to her, way too calm. "People like you are the reason why bands break up. Have a nice night." I heard the girl screaming and crying, but no one dared to touch me as I made my way through the crowd, and within seconds I was gone in the dark alley ways.

"I knew I'd find you here." I looked up at his tan face and dark brown eyes, hidden under a hood. "Cal." "This has always been your favourite part of the beach, am I right?" I nodded as he made a movement that included the secluded little beach and cave, surrounded by trees and hills. Leaning against my best friend's shoulder, I look out at the heavy waves that crash against the stones. "You need to come home with me, Ems. Celina is there as well, she's not mad about the fight either. Please. We all need you." I shake my head, finally looking up at him. "I can't. I'm happy that Luke and Niall are home and that they're doing a lot better, but I can't stand being around them. Everything reminds me off Michael." "He's alive, you know that." "But what if he dies, Calum? What if Michael passes away? I couldn't bear to be around any of you, I couldn't live when I'm just 'the late Michael Clifford's girlfriend'. I can't live without Michael." Pulling me into his arms, he holds me tight. "I know Emilia, believe me. I couldn't live without any of you either. But you have to hold on, you have to believe that he'll live." My voice is muffled because my face is pressed against his chest. "I'm trying, but I just can't. Whenever I try, this one question pops up. What if Michael dies?"

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I finished another chapter wooooo! We got to see a lot more happening between Celina and Emilia, and also a sweet CalumxEmilia moment, and I hope we'll see a lot more of the friendship that she shares with the two of them. ALSO, we got Emilia finally letting go a bit and punching an annoying fan. Why not? :D

As always, I hope you like it :)

Merry Christmas everyone and tons of love,
Ems xxx