Silver Hearts (Completed)

SH30

SH30

Umuwi akong mabigat ang loob. I know I should be happy by convincing Mamu and Tita Kath but it still hurts, it hurts that I had already let gone of Silver for good.

Martyr nga siguro ako. I always love to hurt myself for the expense of Silver, yung tipong una pa lang, ginagawa ko ang lahat mapasaya lang siya.

He had Scarlet before and I tried to cope with that idea just to be with him even if I am only a friend. Kahit ako na mismo ang tumutulong sakanya mapasaya si Scarlet, ginawa ko parin dahil mahal ko siya.

And here I am to this point that I am finally letting him go because of the same reason, I love him. Kahit nasasaktan nanaman ako. Kahit pakiramdam ko, nawala ang kalahating parte ng buhay ko.

They say if you love a person then set him free. Ngayon ko lang nahimigan ang katuturan ng kasabihang 'yon. Choosing his freedom is way better than seeing him with me, suffering. Ganoong ko kamahal si Silver, at ganoon din ako ka martyr.

Nagmukmok ako sa kwarto ko habang nakatitig sa kawalan. My tears keep on strolling down my face and I still don't have the enough energy to wipe it out. As I've said, I felt like half of me fell down when I finally gave up for Silver.

Niyakap ko ang unan ko at patuloy na umiyak. I keep on telling myself that this us just a phase and I will eventually move on. Hindi naman ako totally mag iisa dahil kasama ko ang baby ko. Hindi ko man nakuha si Silver, may isang bagay naman na magpapaalala saakin kung paano ko siya minahal.

My mind dozed off to many things. How can I face the future? Paano ko itatago ang anak ko? How will I introduce him or her to our family?

Maybe I'll find someone. Someone who's willing enough to love me. Someone who's brave enough to accept me and my child. And that someone will never be Silver, and that's the thing that I shall accept.

Hindi na ako muling bumalik sa office ko. I can no longer concentrate. Ang gusto ko lang ay ang umiyak ng umiyak at baka sakaling mapawi nito ang sakit. I lied in my bed crying until I dozed off to sleep. Ganoon naman palagi, tanging ang pagtulog ko nalang ang lumiligtas saakin mula sa sakit.

Nagising ako dahil sa ingay ng phone ko at dahil sa taong patuloy na nagdodoor bell. I grunted. Gusto ko pang matulog para makatakas sa realidad pero masyadong maingay ang paligid ko.

I took my phone from my bag at nakitang si Silver ang tumatawag. Agad bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko but I can't distinguish if it's because of the pain or the shock.

Hindi ko sinagot ang tawag at hinawi ang kurtina sa bintana bg kwarto ko. It's almost night time at unti unti nang dumidilim. Nagpatuloy sa pagdoorbell ang kung sino mang nasa labas ng unit ko kaya napagpasyahan kong tingnan kung sino.

My condo unit is not known for many. Si Papa, Mamu at Earl lang ata ang may alam ng address ko. I kept it as a secret and as my means of escape from everyone lalo na sa mga panahon na ganito. That's why someone outside my unit, knocking, is new to me.

I didn't even bother to look at the peep hole. I am too exhausted to even care about my safety that's why I immediately opened door only to see Silver standing outside my door way.

Laking gulat ko nang makita siya. He's the last person I expect to see. I blinked a few times wanting to make sure of everything dahil baka nag i-ilusyon lang ako pero talagang siya ang nakatayo sa labas ng pinto ko.

He's actually holding his phone on his left ear at binaba yun pagkakita saakin. He looked sa worried and stressed. His eyes is bloodshot red na deretsong nakatingin saakin.

Gusto ko magsalita pero walang lumalabas sa bibig ko. I don't even know what to say. Will I tell him the news? Or does he already know? Paano niya nahanap ang condo ko? And why is he here? Gusto ko itanong yun lahat sakanya pero di ko alam saan magsisimula.