#8 :: Not Everything Is Shared

2) JESSICA

I almost cried when I looked at the pregnancy test. How could I be pregnant? We was hardly having sex and when we was I was being so careful. I looked in the mirror at my new black eye and then the tears started rolling. I wanted out. I wanted to escape. How could I do that knowing I was pregnant?

"Jessica...JESSICA!!" I heard Sonny calling to me. I just pretended not to hear him. I sorted out myself and opened the door where I was greeted to a hand to my face.

**SLAP!!**

I screamed out.

"Did you not hear me calling you Jessica?"

"How could I not?"

"Oh so you was just ignoring me? Okay." He said. I knew what was coming. Just as he balled up his fist I screamed out.

"I'm PREGNANT!!" He lowered his hand, his eyes lit up and he smiled.

"You're what?" He asked.

"That's what I was doing in the bathroom." He hugged me then kissed me. I was so confused.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I thought you was trying to leave me."

"Yeah, well I should...but I'm not. You ain't going to keep hitting me though. Remember the last time you hit me when I was pregnant?" I asked him. He hung his head in shame. The boy beat me so bad I lost the baby.

That was the last time I left.

Packed everything and went to my sisters. He begged and begged and begged for me to take him back but I refused. I was so traumatised. The only reason I went back was because he took Jasmine. Jasmine is a handful and she is smart. She don't like her daddy. She told him before. He thinks it's cute but he don't know how true she is being.

Jasmine is our daughter. She is five. She's seen it all. Even when I think she ain't she most probably has. The poor girl is probably traumatised. So when I found out that he had her I had to go and get her. He then told me if I wanted my daughter back I needed to come home. I was so mad at myself for not being strong enough to leave. My sister begged me not to go back. Told me nothing would change and boy was she right. As soon as I went back and got Jasmine settled he beat me so bad. Told me I was never meant to leave him and that I had to be punished.

I don't know what happened to the man I fell in love with but this wasn't him. I met Sonny when I was seventeen. He was twenty one. He was the best boyfriend ever. Everyone said that due to him being older it wouldn't work; I wouldn't have been mature enough for him. Well for the first two years everything was perfect. It wasn't until Jasmine was born that he changed. He had always wanted me to have his child and when I did he moaned that I paid her too much attention. Being a mother comes first for me so I don't care how he felt. I was the best mum to Jasmine.

One day, Jasmine and I went to the park; we was out with my sister and her kids. We was out longer than I had planned. When I got home Sonny seemed annoyed I asked him what was wrong and was greeted to a punch to the face. Now I'm not a pushover so I punched him in the face back. That made him angrier and despite me being able to fight he was stronger than me of course. He told me that when he comes in from work he expects to have food on the table. That was why he was mad. That was why he hit me. That pissed me off even more and that was the first time I packed my stuff and left.

He begged me to come back but I wouldn't. I was gone for six months. He would call all the time and would see me and Jasmine every weekend. I still loved him but I was just hurt. We spoke and sorted things out...Or so I thought.

One day a girl came round saying she was pregnant for Sonny so I went mad and accused him of cheating. The girl was lying about being pregnant but the affair was real and was still happening. That was the second time he hit me. Said I was being disrespectful. We fought again and this time I kicked him out. Called the police and got a restraining order.

A year went by and again he begged and begged and again I forgave him. The problem was that when he came back it's like he loved but hated me at the same time. I would catch him staring at me as if he was trying to kill me with his eyes. He openly would cheat and be disrespectful I would pull him up on it and then he would threaten to harm Jasmine. It wasn't a threat I planned on putting to the test. After he said that I never left him alone with her.

I know what you are most probably thinking; why don't you just leave? Well, when I fell pregnant he told me not to worry about a job and just focus on being a mother. So I did. Finished college, never went university. I am a stay at home mum. Because of this I have the best relationship with my daughter; however I have no income nor do I have anything other than my A levels. Just the money Sonny gave me. I say gave me because he recently got the sack. So now I am trapped.

This is why I am so upset about being pregnant right now because I couldn't get a job knowing I would be leaving in less than a year to go on maternity leave.

The girls know me and Sonny have problems and that we fight. They think I am crazy. But they never see how badly he beats me up. Nor do they know about the baby I lost because of him. Only my sister knows and she always begs me to leave him but it's easier said than done. The day he beat me and I lost the baby I was truly done; but as I said he took Jasmine and I needed her away from him or for me to be around. He said the only way I could get her back was to come back.

If the first and second incidents weren't enough of a warning for me then this one should have been but no. I went back and things just got worse, instead of me leaving I just put up with it. We fight all the time, he has a scar under his right eye from where I took a knife to him. As I said I ain't going to let him beat me and I don't fight back. There are times I don't have the energy or he just overpowers me. So now I try to stay out his way and be the 'perfect girlfriend'.

"I know I have been a bad boyfriend but I promise this is all going to change. Just wait. Just watch." He said bringing me back to the present moment. He then kissed my forehead.

"You say this is all the time, but let me warn you. You're on license...touch me again and I'll make sure you go to jail." I then kissed him on the cheek and went to our bedroom.

I saw a text from Tasha who I hadn't seen since she graduated and before that it had been even longer. Same with the other girls. I was indeed looking forward to this catch up. I didn't know the address but was glad to know I could bring Jasmine because my sister wasn't around.

"Jas and I are going to meet with the girls. Tasha has made plans for us to catch up. I won't be back for dinner so get your own food, or maybe you could cook for your pregnant girlfriend for once." I said as I smirked at Sonny. He looked up at me.

"Don't worry. I'm going to meet with my brothers anyway." He answered.

I went into the bathroom and looked at my face wondering how I was going to hide the black eye and bruised cheek as I grabbed my makeup bag.

As I said my girls knew nothing about how badly he beats on me. They are crazy!! I know Tasha and Alex would want to fight him and Steph would most probably set Malcom on him. Plus I was embarrassed. They told me not to be with him. Tasha said he was bad news from the jump. I just didn't want or need to hear 'I Told You' from them.

Maybe today was the last time. I thought to myself as I finished my make-up. I put on my clothes grabbed Jasmine and headed to the address Tasha gave. I was looking forward to this link up. It was indeed overdue.

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