#8 :: Not Everything Is Shared

41) NATASHA

It's been three months and my world still feels like I'm stuck on the day I was raped. What makes things worse is I don't actually remember a thing. I just know I didn't feel right. When I came around I was in hospital with no recollection of what happened.

How I know that sick bastard raped me is because they did a medical examination and found traces of the sick bastards sperm in me. I was mad. Mad because he had no right. No right whatsoever. Apparently I'm lucky to not remember but it still doesn't change the fact he did it!

I haven't been to work, I haven't been talking to anyone. I just stay at my sisters house and beg her to cover for me. I don't want anyone to know. It's bad enough that Reece was the one who found me. I can never look at him the same. He says it's not changed a thing but it has.

I know Reece would never hurt me but I can't be with him. Not now. It doesn't stop him visiting everyday and it doesn't stop him being there for me and I am truly grateful for him.

Oh and another reason I haven't been going anywhere... they still haven't found him. Yep... that's right. Three months later and that sick bastard is still on the run.

I wish I could stay in Natalie house forever but I can't. Besides.. it's Jesse's birthday next week and Jessica tricked me into answering the door one day so she knows I'm here. She believes the story of the breakup but she says it's not good enough as to why I have disappeared on them and it ain't good enough to miss Jesse's first birthday.

So I have a week to pluck up the courage of being around people. Since the attack I have been seeing a therapist and she's amazing. She makes me feel that someone out their understands and doesn't pity me. It's been helping.

I know I need to get back out there, get back onto the horse as they call it. But it's hard. I have anxiety when I go outside. I feel likes he's watching me ready to attack. I've always been a strong person but I feel this has broken me way beyond repair.

The house had finally been sold and I wanted to purchase a new home but I really wasn't ready. I didn't want to be on my own. Not yet.

Whilst being here I had built a great bond with Nathaniel and Junior. They loved their Aunty Tasha and for a split second being around them made me feel like everything was okay. They made me forget.

"Mum! No! You're going to make things worse!" I heard Natalie say as the door burst open and in stepped my mother.

She looked at me.

"Sorry. She just burst in." Natalie said.

"Don't apologise for me! I'm not sorry. Natasha how long are you going to stay in here for?"

I didn't say a word.

"Mum. Just leave her. Natasha has had a hard time lately. She's taking the break up badly." Natalie said.

Mum laughed.

"Do you really expect me to believe this cock and bull story? Natasha? Heartbroken? Unless this man was like her father then there's no way this is over a heartbreak."

"You think you know me?" I finally said.

"No. But I know two things. One - you love your father dearly and you won't settle for a man who is not as great a man as him. Two - I guess only someone who has been in your situation can see the signs." Mum said awkwardly.