#8 :: Not Everything Is Shared

54) STEPHANIE

Six Months Later...

Whoever said being pregnant was fun lied. I thought it would have been easier second time around but oh no. This baby was so active!

I was almost eight months pregnant and couldn't wait for this here baby to come out of me. I didn't want to find out the sex of the baby this time. I wanted it to be a surprise. Malcom wanted another girl so he could have two of each. I wanted a boy so I could have one of each. Either which way this baby would be loved.

Speaking of Malcom. He's become my best friend. He stays over a lot and keeps me company and we don't complicate things by having sex. I feel like he's the guy I met when I first met him. We even have Nathaniel and Junior over which is nice. They are both over protective of their baby sister which is cute to watch.

"You ready to do this?" Malcom asked.

"Yeah... I guess." I said as we pulled up to my mums.

Today I would sit down with my biological parents. I had been struggling with my pregnancy and apparently stress was the reason why. Now everything in my life was peachy. The only thing that I hadn't dealt with was them. I didn't feel it was a problem. But you know Tasha, she believes if I don't deal with my underlying issues it can have an affect on me. My counsellor also agreed. So here I am. Hoping that they don't make me go into early labour if they come with some bullshit that I really don't want to hear.

When I went inside my mum, dad and siblings were all there. They said they would be here to support me. I laughed when I saw my sister because she said she would come to beat ass if need be and that she don't care how old they are. So seeing her here just made me laugh.

"We'll take Marnie. And we'll be here if you need us."

"Sorry?" I said.

"They're in the family room."

"They're here? Already?"

"Yeah."

"Okay so why you lot staying in here?"

"Erm..." my dad began to say.

"Erm nothing! I want my family in there by my side. Besides, mum and dad you know everything there is to know. I don't want them trying to lie to me. With you lot in there they will have to tell the truth. So come on."

Everyone stood where they were.

"I can go home. I don't mind. Either you all come in there with me. Or I'm going home."

"Okay okay..." they said and followed me into the family room.

As I walked in there I looked at these two strangers. These two people are the reason I even exist. It's funny how I feel nothing for them.

"Thanks for coming."

"Yeah. So let's cut to the chase... why are you here?"

"I made... we made a huge mistake. Giving you away. But I was 14 and your father was 18. It was illegal for one. We had no income and our parents refused to help. They said I shouldn't have kept the baby. Their words were if you can't afford to have a baby you shouldn't have one. I was scared. Everyday I would wonder how was I going to get by. How was I going to provide for you. My mother said I couldn't keep this baby under her roof. It was like she just didn't want me to have this baby. Anyway. We was staying at your fath... at Paul's house then Paul's parents panicked when they found out I was under 16. So they did the same thing. Having a baby on the streets wasn't what I wanted. I was too young to be housed. I would have been in care and I didn't think I would have been able to keep you. So that's when I had to think about what I was really going to do. I didn't want to get rid of you but we would have been homeless. So I told my parents as soon as you was born I'd give you up for adoption. They seemed please. Everyone was getting along. I gave birth to you. They even said you can take her home. My mum was happy for you to come home. Then one night you was crying a lot. You had colic. Mum couldn't take it and kicked us out. Went to Paul's they didn't want to know. I went to the social for help; for like a mother and babies unit but I wasn't old enough. They wanted to take you. I wouldn't let them. So I went to the woman next door. I knew she was interested in adopting..."

"Wait.. you live next door?"

"Lived... I moved by the time you was five. It was hard watching you grow up and knowing I couldn't say hi I'm your mummy. I went college and university and made something of myself. I never came back home because it was nothing but bad memories. My parents who wasn't supportive. Giving away my only child. It always affected me. So much so I never had any kids after you. Paul went into the army. So he hasn't been around. We both kept busy. Then my mother passed away recently. I had to come and sort everything out with the house. That's when I saw you. I knew it was you. I didn't know what to say or do. I spoke with Paul and he said he thinks about you too. So we came and spoke with your mum. She gave us hell. We deserved it. My mum died with me hating her. I couldn't die with you hating me. Stephanie, not keeping you wasn't anything to do with you or not loving or wanting you. It was because I loved you I couldn't see you out on the streets. I knew your mum would take care of you. She was such a friendly woman when I lived around here. So I'm sorry. I just don't want you to hate me. Us. I don't want you to think we didn't want you or didn't love you because we did and we do." Tina said.

"We're sorry Stephanie." Paul added.

I had a headache.

"So let me get this straight... you lived next door. You couldn't deal with seeing someone else raise me. Okay. I don't agree but I'm not going to say you couldn't feel how you felt. But if this was the case. Why didn't you leave me a note? Why didn't you let mum tell me the truth when I got to a certain age. I was always made to believe you didn't want me."

"It was easier that way. Just incase you came looking."

"So you never wanted me to look for you?"

"I was scared. I was scared you would hate us."

"And you don't think I do now."

"No.. you most probably do. But after my mother dying... I had to take that chance. At least I've told you the truth."

I looked at my mum.

"They telling the truth?"

"Yeah. Some bits I didn't know but it makes sense."

"Alright. So you lot loved me, but couldn't keep me. I wasn't the devil child or hated by you guys. However only once your mum dies. The person you hated did you then decide to come find me." I chuckled. "Ironic isn't it. Well you know what? I actually feel better. I'm glad I came. Because now I know. So thank you for that. I don't hate you and soon I'll get over this and be able to say I forgive you. However... I want nothing to do with you. Today, is the last time you will see me. Don't come around here anymore. Don't contact me or my mum. If one of you dies before the other don't come and let me know. I don't care for you guys. You waited far too long to come and apologise. To come and explain. I'm twenty eight soon with a baby on the way. I love my kids more than anything. So I don't agree with what you lot did. And with that I don't want to speak to you. There's no hate in my heart for you guys. But there's no room for love either. Just act like you was unable to find me and I'll do the same." I said as I got up and left.

I sat in the car and thought tears would start to flow but they didn't. All of a sudden that pain in my shoulder was no more.

"You okay?" Malcom asked me once he got in the car.

"You know what? I didn't think I would be. But I actually am. Tasha was right. I needed to face them and I did. Now I feel bette for it."

And that was the truth. I didn't need my biological parents in my life. I had done great without them all this time and I would continue to do so.