#8 :: Not Everything Is Shared

49) NATASHA

It hasn't been easy but with the support of my mum, sister and the girls I've started to get up and get my life back on track. I had been giving a panic alarm that made the police aware of where I was and they would arrive in next to no time.

I was trying to get back to being normal. I had attended counselling - both group and individual sessions. The girls would describe their ordeals and in a way I was somewhat relieved I didn't have that constant nightmare of a reminder in my head. It didn't change the fact I know Josh still had sex with me whilst I was unconscious and without my consent. But the stories these girls shared I take my hat off to them.

I even managed to buy the house next door to Natalie. That was a big step for me. But it needed to be done. I would only start to get bigger and wouldn't be able to do as much. I had already had the painters and the floor men in. Was now just waiting for the furniture for all the rooms.

Yes, I decided to keep the baby. The baby is not the problem. It's not my baby's fault that he or she was conceived in a horrible way. Besides, I never knew how much I wanted to be a mum until I had my first scan. I was just over three months and couldn't bring myself to terminating. In the beginning I was going to terminate. I booked the appointment and went all the way to the clinic. As I was waiting I saw a woman leaving as if she had just made the worst mistake of her life. I didn't want that to be me. So I left.

The doorbell rung taking me out of my thoughts. I went to answer the door expecting it to be the delivery men. But instead it was Reece.

What was he doing here?

"Reece? Hey. Erm, wasn't really expecting you to be here, at my front door. What are you doing here?" I asked somewhat anxious.

I hadn't told him I was pregnant. Luckily I was small and I know he was unable to tell.

"Natalie told me. She also said the delivery men would be coming today. I thought you would need some help."

"Help? Ain't that their job?"

"Okay... some company then? You don't know how long you will be here. There's no where for you to even sit."

"I was going to go back to Natalie's house and wait for them there."

"Well I'm here now. Plus I really want to talk to you. It's important."

I sighed. Nevertheless I let him in. I sat on the steps opposite the front door.

"Look Reece..."

"Let me speak please. I just want to say this and then you can say what you want."

"Okay..."

"I... I never knew what love felt like until the night I spent with you. I thought I had that with Sarah but I guess she was right. There was only ever one woman that had my heart. I guess you being my best friend clouded what I really felt because I didn't want to ruin how close we was. Maybe if I had taken the risk to do so all of this could have been prevented. I never expected to get married and end up getting a divorce. That's something I never wanted. It's costing me more than it did us getting married! My point is, Sarah wasn't the person I was meant to marry and spend my life with. It was you. And I don't want you to think that I see you any different because of what's happened because I don't. What I don't know is why you have pushed me out. Pushed me away as if to say I'm nobody. As if we ain't best friends. Yes I would like to be more but I'm not going to force you. But I don't want our friendship to deteriorate. I don't want to lose you Tasha."