#8 :: Not Everything Is Shared

27) ALEXANDRA

If you had told me that in one night I would have seen my father and baby father I would have told you that you were insane. Nevertheless that is what happened on my mothers nine night.

I couldn't believe Ryan showed up. I was so full of emotion I shut the door on him and went into my sons room and played with Zack and Jeremih.

Since the nine night I've been keeping busy with my mothers funeral, being a mother to my son and working from home. Yes. I was working from home. I needed distractions. I didn't want to think about the fact the I was going to have to bury my mum. I didn't want to deal with the fact that my Aunty and father had an affair and that's why I never had my father in my life. I didn't want to deal with the fact that Ryan said he couldn't commit to me and our baby but has the cheek to turn up to my house five years later! How did he even know where I lived? No. I just decided to keep busy and it was working.

I say was because tomorrow is my mothers funeral. I'm ironing everyone's clothes for tomorrow and I know it may sound bad but I just wish it wasn't my mothers funeral I was ironing these clothes for.

"Right, the kids are in bed the nanny has them once you're done I'm taking you out." Calum said.

"Out? I have things to do and clearly you must have forgotten but it's my mums funeral tomorrow." I said a bit snappy.

"No I haven't forgotten and we ain't going far nor are we going for long. I don't want no excuses you have no choice. We're going." He said as he left the room.

I rolled my eyes because when Calum has made up his mind there's no point in me trying to change it.

I did as I was told and we left out. I started making my way to the car when Calum walked past it and had me confused.

"Erm.. The car is here..." I said to him.

"We are walking. Come on." He said to me.

What is this boy up to?

We walked for about ten minutes more before we stopped. It was then I noticed we was at the park.

"Calum... What we doing here?"

"Just stop asking questions and come on."

I followed and we ended up on this huge tyre swing big enough for the both of us. Calum took out his special box which he only ever had at night times as it was what we used to smoke. He lit up a spliff smoked some of it then passed it on to me. We both laid back and stared up to the sky.

"The stars look so beautiful." I said not sure if I meant it or if it was because I was high.

"See I still struggle to sleep so once I know you have dozed off this is where I come for about an hour - every night. Just to calm me. It works. So I thought we could try it with you."

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have come with you." I said, feeling shit that I was none the wiser.

"No. You have so much going on. When you sleep I'm so glad you sleep."

"But it's not just about me. We are a couple. Allow me to be there for you like you are for me."

"Ssshhh. Smoke." He said as we smoked our second spliff.