Knock Me Out

Chapter 25

The constant knocking on my door wakes me up. I didn't really sleep last night, cause I felt super restless in my sleep.

I get up, walk toward the door and open it.

"Good morning sunshine. How are we feeling this morning?" Cordelia smiles. She's holding a tray with my breakfast on it.

"Morning Cordelia. I feel alright. I guess"

"Do you want to talk about how alright you feel?"

"Um.. I don't know" I hesitate.

She puts the tray down on my bedside table and opens my curtains.

"Go brush your teeth, then we'll talk darling"

I nod yes and enter my personal
bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face.

When I return she's seated on my bed, waiting for me.

I sit down next to her and look at the tray. There are two sausage sandwiches, scrambled eggs, French toasts, an apple, a banana and two cups of coffee. Breakfast for two.

It's been a while since we had breakfast together in my room. We used to do it a lot.

I feel like a lot has changed about me since this new school year. I'm so confused all the time about what to do. It's like my confidence is fading away slowly and I'm not the same person I was a few months ago.

"You look troubled hon. What is it" Cordelia asks while handing me a cup of coffee.

"I'm just so confused. I don't know why or how. I just feel super confused. Like I'm running in the wrong direction which is a good direction, but also very wrong at the same time. You understand what I mean?"

"Hmmmm... No. I'm afraid I don't. Do you feel like you're making a decision you shouldn't be making?"

"Yeah kind of" I shrug.

"Is it about Christian?"

"Partly yeah. I'm not sure. I feel like I'm trying to solve a mystery, that has no solutions. A mystery that can't be solved and isn't meant to be solved"

"I think the solutions are within you. You've experienced a lot these days. It's okay to be confused, but that doesn't mean you have to stay confused. First thing you have to do is make up your mind about what you want. You can't have it all. You can't be in control of everything. You see. Every person has two faces. The face everyone sees, which is the face of the brain and the face only you can see unless you show it. The face of the heart. You use the face of the brains too much. Give your heart a chance"

"Cordelia you're not making any sense. My head is super clouded with a lot of things right now. So I need you to speak English"

"Hahaha... I am speaking English. You're just not listening with the right ear. Have a bite" she feeds me a piece of bread with her hand and I chew automatically.

"I spoke to Christian yesterday"she continues. "He misses you"

"He said that?"
She nods yes.
"But I'm right here. He sees me all the time. We talk and stuff"

"Maybe you don't realize it, but Chaniëlle you're changing. Well... You've changed a lot these past few months. I don't know what it is, but you're different now and this is way more than your December fever"

"Is it good different or bad different?"

"That's up to you to find out"

"What else did he say?"

"Who?"

"Chris of course!"

"Haha. I know. Just stuff"