Panicked Wallflowers

Chapter 21

Melody's POV W
The feeling of falling started to consume my every essence, but soon I felt it stop. That's when I totally lost myself in the pitch black. I couldn't feel, I couldn't see, and I couldn't hear. I was still aware of myself though. Does that make sence? No? Well, I was still aware of time passing, I was still thinking complete thoughts, and I was defiantly aware of the pounding in my brain. I tried to cry out in pain, or something to reassure Logan I'm not dead. But truthfully, I'm not completely sure I'm not. I am like this for a while, feeling trapped inside my body. Eventually I can see a bit of light bleeding through my closed eyelids. I gasp for breathe, sitting up and startling the few people in the small room. I ammediatly recognise the room as Logan's, but it's not the same.
"Ody!" I hear a very relieved Logan yell as he runs over to hug me. A Lady in doctor scrubs walked after him, looking at the machines that were crowded around the bed.
"How long was I out?" I mumble to Logan who hasn't let go of me yet.
"27 hours." The doctor talks for the first time. Her voice reminds me of caramel. It's soothing and sweet, but also has the power to be hard and hurtful sometimes. I fell so many questions crowd my mind but she beats me to it. "You had a panic attack at the park. It wasn't a normal one like you usualy have-"
"Wait," Logan interrupts quickly, "panic attacks are usual for you?" I just nod quickly.
"Anyways," the doctor starts again, "Your panic attacks are getting worse and will start causing black out, like the one that had just happened. If he hadn't called me so soon, and you didn't have someone there, you would've been out for about 3 days or longer. I don't know what's causing these to increase in intensity, but I recommend trying to stay away or resolve it. If you can not try visiting a support group."
"I do have a question." I ask, my voice still shaky from the lack of use.
"Yes Ms. Gloom?"
"How did you get the equipment to my house so quickly? And why am I not in a hospital?"
"Your fiancè," she gave me a knowing look, "insisted we do it here and agreed to pay extra if we get it here quickly. He sounded really concerned." I blush at the word fiancè.
"Oh, well. If that's all, what are the restriction for me?" I smile lightly. It's not the first time this had happened to me, but never to this extent. Last time I couldn't go to the park until the panic attacks completely stoped.
"Stay away from the park for a while, and always make sure someone's with you, oh and start taking those pills again." The doctor says before taking the needles out of my arms.
"How do you-"
"I was going through your records," she cuts me off.
"Oh." I notice Logan hasn't talked in a while, so I look down to see he has his head on my lap, and his brown eyes are just staring at me with a wishful look engulfing them. "Okay, so I guess I you can go. Should I send a check to the hospital?" I say. It comes out a little more rude than I mean it to, but who am I kidding? I want Logan to be the only one here for just a little while. Is that to much to ask?
"Yeah." She replies befor before leaving the room and closing the thick door.
"Hi Ody," Logan whispers as he pulls me into a full on hug.
"We have to talk," I voice the thoughts that have been knawing at my mind. "I stand by the decisions of us." I say quickly. Nervous of the reply he is about to give.
"Oh," is all he says before letting go of me. I immediately miss his warmth.
"Please Logan, you have to understand! I really like you but there's no way I can do this right now. I really want to be with you, but I know I'll keep making it about me and I'll be a burden. Please," I cry, but it fades into a empty of hope whisper. A whisper that is so broken that  I almost can't believe it belongs to me.
"That's not true Melody!" Logan replies, his voice rising. Oh no. I angered him. "God, Melody. You really are selfish." That pulls me back. "I mean you're playing my feelings again. As if it's a game for you!" Logan yells.
"It's not Logan, I just keep losing complete control and now I'm trying to take it back," I plead for him to believe me. His reply is just leaving. I collapse onto the thick carpet. I feel the salty tears drip down onto my hands. I don't realise how much I've cried until I look down to see my hands are filled with tears. A noise never escapes my lips, not even the noise of heavy breathing. I let the tears keep falling. I don't even stop when I'm in my room, or when my mom comes in, or when Hannah calls. I never talk. I just let the tears fall. The next day I put on a fun facade to fool Hannah and Hunter. I pull on a MCR shirt that has cut off sleeves and pink jeans that match the pink bow that is holding my hair in a mohawk braid paired with black high tops.

I walk out to my car, not even bothering to ask if Logan wants a ride because I know he'll say no. I quickly ride to school, and run to my first class. Lunch is quick and there's mostly just questions asking about why I wasn't here yesterday. I just quickly explain it, leaving out a couple of unimportant pieces. Like Logan and that stuff. Logan still doesn't talk to me during school, and I really miss him. But I know it's for the best. The same thing happens the next day. Then it's Saturday. I sleep in, not wanting to get out of the paradise that my blankets provide. I don't even eat Saturday, I just sit and watch mine Bae and Logan's favorite show we would watch before Logan moved away: Supernatural. I sit and cover my head in blankets and sigh. I'm watching the episode where Dean goes back in time and meets his dad. I cry into my blanket. I finally let it out again, but this time I don't cry for hours. I just wipe the tears and continue watching Dean talking his dad into buying the impala instead of the van. I watch for the rest of the day. Sunday I wake up and stare at the ceiling until I hear a knock on my door.
"Go away," I grumble loud enough for them to hear.
"Relax Melody, I just brought food." I freeze at the noise of his voice.
"What are you doing here Jayden?" The noise that comes out of my mouth is so bitter it's almost foreign. Jayden seems taken back by the noise. I look over to see his black eye is still healing and his busted lip is still a little red.
"I came to say I'm sorry. I wasn't acting right that Tuesday and I shouldn't have said that." He tries to suad me against being annoyed. It didn't work.
"How do I know you didn't poison that food to speed up the process?" I spit  out.
"Please Ody," Jayden pleads. He acts almost as if his heart was just broken.
"Out Jayden. And don't call me Ody," I say sternly. He looks down and mumbles something that breaks my heart.
"I did it you know. I kidnapped her." I couldn't even move. "But it doesn't matter now. She got away. She's probably on the side of the street somewhere, dyeing of hypothermia. That's a slow death."
"Why?" That's all I can manage without totally breaking.
"She's different. She made me feel a way I've never felt. But that's not all. She was the only thing that was keeping me from giving up on humanity."
"So you decided to make her light go out? With a hole lot of blowing?" I let the rage role of my skin. He simply looks down at his feet, like a scolded puppy. "Get out and leave us all alone." I say, my teeth grinding together so hard that I cam taste a little bit of blood. He walks out the door, keeping his head held low. I slowly take out my phone and call Brayden. When his voicemail answers I'm not surprised. "Hey Bray. I know you still blame me, but I think I know the general area she's in."
- _- _- _- _- _- _- _- _- _-
Hey Fluffies! I just wanna say we're so frickin sorry bout the no updates in the last like week. We've been busy with school starting and Ivy has got cheer while I have got the flute. So our hands are kinda tied. But we've been trying!!
- _- Wrenn