Breaking rules, breaking free (bxb)

Chapter 22

22- a decision
I snapped back so fast I thought I had whiplash. What the hell just happened? Well for one thing I had frozen time again and now had to look at Donovan's face mid-kiss. It was extremely awkward. His hair was wet and messy from the rain, his eyes were closed and his hand still hung in the air where my face had been. My stomach was in knots. What should I do? On the one hand he was my friend and I didn't want to lose what we had or hurt his feelings. On the other hand I had no idea if I felt that way about him. After all those years of isolation I didn't know where I stood in the world. I mean was I gay. Flipping fox on a ferry that was my first kiss and it was with a guy!

 All I wanted to do right now was go back to bed and wake up in a world where everything had piped the hell down and wasn't so complicated., So I ranted and raved for a few minutes to vent my frustration. This worked until I remembered that not long ago I was ranting at Van about why he was so goddamn mysterious. Maybe if he had been more open I would have seen this coming. 
   What I needed was advice and I knew exactly who to ask. Leaving Donovan and everything else outside frozen for the moment in time, I hurried inside. Somehow I managed to carry Lauren through to Ally's room. Then with extreme concentration and willpower I let them out of the time loop. 
   "Blaze did you freeze time again," Lauren said in shock looking at the raindrops hung in the air outside. 
"Yes but it was for a good cause."
"I hope so, stopping the space time continuum at random points could have serious consequences," Allister warned. 
"Noted but not important right now. I unfroze you because I need help." Their faces changed to looks of concern obviously noting the urgency in my voice. 
"Sure Blaze, anything you need. "
"Donovan kissed me," I whispered suddenly studying the floorboards with keen interest. 
"Oh, that is tricky," Lauren nodded thoughtfully. 
"Well do you like him," Allister asked mildly. 
"Of course I like him or I wouldn't have let him live with me for Christs sakes!"
"Right yeah I see you're point."
"Do you think you're gay?" Lauren asked curiously. 
"I'm not sure. I've never thought about it before. I guess maybe I've checked out guys before but I really like people watching." I thought about all the girls I had crushes on and came to a grand total of zero. However the same applied to the number of guys I had crushes on. 
   "It's difficult for you as a Kitsune. You're species don't really involve themselves in love and certainly don't have one true love like a werewolves mate or a shifters chosen. Just slow down and think for a second did you enjoy kissing Donovan."
  I mulled it over. The whole thing was surrounded by a turmoil of emotion but for a fleeting second there had just been one. "Yes. I think I did." 
   "Then you need to use that to decide. Not any other factors, just you're gut feeling. You're an animal by nature Blaze and you're instincts will never lead you astray."
   "Thank you guys this really helped. I'm going back out there. You can watch from the window if you want." I said smiling. I knew their curiosity would have gotten the better of them anyway. 
   With my stomach churning and thoughts rattling round my head like a million pinball's I walked out the cabin back into the rain. 

A/N so what will he tell Van?