i swear to fucking god i have never felt more fucking alone than i do now. i know i've said that so many times but this time it's the full package. i have no friends at school, i don't talk to anyone but myself and the voices and oh god oh god oh god i've forgotten how suffocating it feels to walk into a room filled with people and know that not one of them is there for you.
they all talk about me behind my back, i can hear them. im that weird british kid, with hair too short and fashion too dark for their rich kid liking. this one girl passes around the fact she's on anti-depressants like someone passing a parcel; and yet, depression or no depression, she has so many fucking friends it surprises me.
i can feel myself on the edge of a breakdown at the beginning and end of every lesson as i struggle to understand what the teachers and students are saying. i know i said i could wait a year but i cant, its two days in and im thinking of suicide at least five times a day. i don't eat, i've only gotten three hours sleep after staying awake for three days straight. i'm going insane, i'm going fucking insane and theres nobody to keep my fucking distracted.
YOU ARE READING
emotionally
No Ficciónbasically a book where i write down how i'm feeling, throw in some really shitty poetry here and there and maybe a few songs for the hell of it. [ trigger warning ]
