Serendipity to Forever: A JuliElmo Fan Journey

The Art of Hoping (One Shot)

I'm warning you, this story has no happy ending.

Sa totoo lang, malayong malayo sa mga kinalakihan nating fairytale, hindi ko alam kung kailan kami nagkakilala. May alaala naman ako kung paano, pero yung alaala na 'yon, katulad lang din ng libo-libo pang random na pangyayari na nakaimbak sa utak ko. Walang special portion, di katulad ng first birthday, first crush, first communion o first heartbreak. Wala lang, ordinaryong pangyayari. Malay ko bang darating ang araw na 'to. Malay ko bang darating sa punto na pilit kong aalalahanin 'yong unang mga salitang binitawan namin sa isa't isa, o 'yong unang sulyap na naganap sa pagitan namin. Wala naman kasing nag-akala saming dalawa, maski ako. Alam ko, sya rin.

Sa pagkatanda ko, sa isang maliit na pasilyo kami unang nagkita. Nagkasalubong kami, pero di nya ko binigyan kahit isang sulyap na walang pakealam. 'Suplado ang lolo mo,'sabi ko sa utak ko. Oo nga, gwapo sya. Pero maraming gwapo sa mundo anoba, sarap nya pektusan eh. Buti nalang talaga hindi sya parte ng mundo ko n'on, kung hindi baka araw-araw akong nakukulta sa salubong nyang kilay at pamisteryoso effect.

Lumipas ang maraming araw na nabubuhay kaming dalawa sa dalawa ding mundo na hindi nagtatagpo. Hindi na rin kami nagkita simula n'ong nakasalubong ko sya, hanggang isang araw pinatawag ako sa isang opisina, pagpasok ko nandon din yung lalaking suplado. Ang bilis ng pangyayari, namalayan ko nalang magkasama raw kami sa isang proyekto para sa kinabibilangan naming institusyon. Sabi pa ni Bossing, since pareho naman daw kami ng passion, perfect daw kami para sa isa't isa. Aba, nakita kong sumimangot ang lolo mo, sinimangutan ko nga rin. Akala naman nya no! Pero anak ng..ang kissable ng lips. Kainis. Pag-uwi ko nga, umorder ako ng lipstick na hulugan sa Avon.

So lumipas ulit ang maraming araw na nagkakasama kami. Pinagpapasalamat ko na rin na propesyunal sya, trabaho kung trabaho. Wala kaming pakelamanan sa 'whereabouts' ng isa't isa. Purely business. Ewan ko nga lang ba kung bakit di ko sya mapigilang obserbahan, feeling ko kasi there's more to him that my eyes can't really see. Gusto ko syang tuklasin, gusto kong madiskubre yung mga bagay bagay na sasagot sa mga tanong sa utak ko. Then suddenly, one day nagising nalang ako na I'm drawn to him like I've never been drawn to somebody else before. Oo na, effective talaga yung pa-misteryoso effect nya. Kainis talaga.

Then as I accepted the fact that I somewhat, in a twisted, funny way eh, I like him, he started showing me affection. Those little things that makes me even more attracted to him. He looks at me, smiles at me, call my name in the sweetest way I've ever heard, and makes me feel special. The borderline between business and danger zone slowly lost it's mark.

And there goes the confusion.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko dati, di naman kailangan lagyan ng label ang lahat ng bagay. Pwede naman tayong maging masaya as it is. Walang hassle. Walang complications. Kumbaga, chill chill lang. But not all the time, it's the most convenient way, lalo na when it comes to love. You know why? Nobody wins that way. Ironically, it can be the most exciting kind of love, the one you can never give a name or label, yet it is the most cruel one. Kakapit ka sa isang bagay na di mo nakikita, maniniwala sa mga bagay na walang kasiguraduhan, at aalagaan ang isang damdamin na hindi mo alam kung may patutunguhan. You become fearful, yet fearless. You close your eyes, then you take the risk. You fly while you fall, and you don't even know how to explain that.

He's not the rhythm, the tune nor the lyrics, because he's every song I sing. I badly wanted to believe that the same way also goes to him when he sings, too. That it's about me and nobody else.

There's intimacy,yes. But I can also feel the wall between us piled-up. The closest distance we could ever be is when he looks at me straight in the eyes, far away from me yet I can see all the hidden feelings and untold words. In the same way that the farthest distance we could ever be is when I'm few inches from him, yet it feels like I have to travel thousand miles to see him, the real him.

It gets me frustrated and afraid and overwhelmed. A part of me is sad, too. Because I realized that the kind of love that never gets built, is the kind of love that never falls.

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He's with his friends again, and I'm stucked here in this couch without someone to talk to. Pero okay lang din, probably I'll just read some books before the rehearsal starts. I can hear his laugh while they are joking around. Napapangiti na rin tuloy ako. Ang cute tumawa ng mokong. Tawa pa rin sya ng tawa, di ko tuloy mapigilan na sumulyap sa kanya. He's really happy when he's around those people. Ayan, napabuntong hininga na naman ako. Ang bipolar ko na din, pero kasi naman ano ba talaga? Di ko na rin maintindihan yung sarili ko kung magiging masaya na ba ako na okay sya kahit wala ako sa mundo nya, o ipagpipilitan ko pa rin na meron, merong kami sa gitna ng ako, sya, at ng iba. Haaay. Sakit sa ulo.

Kakaisip ko, di ko namalayan katabi ko na pala sya. Ang bango. Ang gwapo. Yung lips..haaay.

"Hey.." yung boses, kahit konyo ang cute din. Hihihi.

"Hey..hey..heypi bertdey!" kunwari ang cool ko lang.

"Hehehe. Cute," kinurot nya yung pisngi ko. Kurot nga ba 'yon o haplos? Nako. Idedemanda ko 'to, tsinatsansingan ako. Charaughts.

"Bakit ka nandito? Nagbabasa ako, don ka na sa friends mo," Hala. Ngumisi ang lolo mo. Pero ang gwapo pa din. Anobaaa, kelan ka ba papangit?!

"You rather read than talk to me?" ay, may tampo factor si mokong. Hah! Akala naman nya bibigay ako? Pero yung mata nya kasi..

"Alam mo kasi Magalona, masarap ka titigan, este masarap magbasa, kaya as an answer to your question, yes. I'd rather read than talk to you,"

"Okay. Life is really unfair sometimes," narinig ko pang bumuntong hininga sya.

"Ha?"

"You'd rather read than to be with me, yet here I am, I'd rather be with you than to be with somebody else,"

"Elmo.." hindi ko maintindihan, pero alam ko iba ang implikasyon ng mga sinasabi nya. Tumingin sya sakin, ngumiti.

"I'll wait for you Julie,"

"Pero kasi El--"

"I know, I know, you don't have to explain. But I want you to know that I'll wait for that day, when you'll read books, read novels and cry and I'm gonna be the one to wipe your tears. Okay?"

Tumango ako.

"By the way, I want to inform you na baliktad 'yang librong binabasa mo..." tumawa sya. Ulit. Napangiti na naman ako.

"Che! Pauso ko 'yan.."

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A/N: Mawawala ba ang Author's Note? Malamang hindi. HAHAHA! So here it is, my weirdest one shot so far. Yes, one shot. Isang bagsakan lang 'to, walang kasunod at baka sa perspektibo ng ibang makakabasa (kung meron man!) e parang wala ding ending. Sa perspektibo ko? Hindi ko makoconsider na happy ending 'to. No one knows if after this conversation e naiba ang ihip ng hangin, maybe they parted ways after a while, maybe one of them fell in love..with another person. Or maybe they became the best of friends.

People gets tired, people change, and people let-go. But some were born to with the talent and passion to wait patiently, hope patiently, and love patiently. I hope that Elmo and Julie in this one shot is two of those people. I know you're hoping, too. *wink*