Empty Thoughts

Bad Habits

I'll always be one of those people with habits

And I can always break them

But I'm weak

They'll always break me

And I'll go back to them again

And again

And again

Sometimes cutting

Or drinking

My worst habit by far

Is when I start smoking

When the smoke clouds around my head

My lungs burn

My throat scratchy

My fingertips smell like nicotine

And sometimes

My head hurts

My nerves calm

My stomach loosens

And I reject food

That's when my next bad habit kicks in

And I skip a meal

Or two

And watch as my body withers away to bone

Replacing even my small snacks

With a smoke

Only drinking water

And tea

As my mind fails

My body follows closely behind

I may as well be dead

Because how I am living is certainly

No way to live

But then I feed myself lies

About how I am strong

I can fight this

I will thrive

And thus my tug-o-war game with death continues

As I pull back to "my" side

And I start to break my habits

My habits will trick me into thinking I am winning

Until, again, they break me

I am stuck in a worthless cycle

A tiresome hamster wheel

One in which I can never win

But this is the curse of greeting bad habits

When they knock at the door