I'll always be one of those people with habits
And I can always break them
But I'm weak
They'll always break me
And I'll go back to them again
And again
And again
Sometimes cutting
Or drinking
My worst habit by far
Is when I start smoking
When the smoke clouds around my head
My lungs burn
My throat scratchy
My fingertips smell like nicotine
And sometimes
My head hurts
My nerves calm
My stomach loosens
And I reject food
That's when my next bad habit kicks in
And I skip a meal
Or two
And watch as my body withers away to bone
Replacing even my small snacks
With a smoke
Only drinking water
And tea
As my mind fails
My body follows closely behind
I may as well be dead
Because how I am living is certainly
No way to live
But then I feed myself lies
About how I am strong
I can fight this
I will thrive
And thus my tug-o-war game with death continues
As I pull back to "my" side
And I start to break my habits
My habits will trick me into thinking I am winning
Until, again, they break me
I am stuck in a worthless cycle
A tiresome hamster wheel
One in which I can never win
But this is the curse of greeting bad habits
When they knock at the door
YOU ARE READING
Empty Thoughts
RandomJust an odd collection of thoughts in my brain that sometimes come spilling out of my mind