Empty Thoughts

Dying

How did it come to this

The point where I can't breathe unless I cut open my skin

Where I can't eat unless I throw it all up

Where one person says one little thing

And I blow up like a grenade

I snap

I swear

And then I run off to the bathroom

Where I break down into horrible sobs

Sitting on the floor against the wall

Muffling the awful sounds so that no one can hear

Black streaking down my face

I scratch at my skin

And rip out my hair

My knuckles are bruised from punching walls

Once again everyone starts to leave

But it's okay because I'm better off alone

No one to hurt but myself

I used to be able to shut my emotions out

To just stop feeling

It was one of the best times of my life

But now, no matter how hard I try I'm just trapped in this whirlpool

And as soon as I start being able to shut myself out again

Something happens that breaks me more than before

And I shake

And sob uncontrollably

I'm at the point where I'm sick of fighting

Passed the point of not caring if I die

I would welcome death with open arms

Making plan after plan

And only one person cares

One person asks if I'm okay

Only one person can calm me down enough to have me promise to live through one more night

I'm just waiting for the day where she gives up on me too

The day I can finally just let go

I'm already dying

I'd rather speed it up a little

This death is too slow and painful to endure