Empty Thoughts

Parties

Why is it all hard to ignore

I'm not even feeling anymore

Everything is all just white noise

Background music to my hell

I used to be able to go out every night

Hang out with friends

Go to parties

Be normal

But now it takes me days to recover

From just one night out

I want friends

But I can't stand anyone being close

I need people to talk to me

But when they do I push them away

Can't go shopping

Because the mall has too many people

Can't go to someone's house

Because I'm expeted to talk

Can't go to parties

Because I'll have a panic attack within minutes

And I can't go out to eat

I dread everything

Breathing

Thinking

Talking

Dancing

Laughing

Everything about being normal

How can I hate everything about something

But desire it

How can I hate normal

But want to be normal more than anything