You Save Me - Niall Horan FanFic (Sequel to If I'm Louder)

Chapter 11 - Breakdown

~~Niall's P.O.V.~~

I chew on my lip, hard. It was only 3am. I couldn't really force myself to sleep. It's hopeless, really.

Jesus, I'm a wreck without Katie.

Katie. Beautiful Katie. Who's in pain because of me. Who's so intelligent and independent which in my book was a definite yes for sexy. She has been through so much, she's so strong. She doesn't deserve any of what I have done to her. Her father should be haunting me and I can only imagine Brian will be more than happy to kill me. Katie is.... amazing.

The image of her floats up into my mind. Her hazel eyes and that gorgeous hair. The one with the blonde streaks, not the red. I mean, of course, I think Katie's new appearance is sexy, but right now I'm thinking of the girl I fell in love with. Innocence. Unaware of her surroundings. Happy to be with us. That adorable bubbly attitude. Those soft luscious lips. That soft skin.

My heart cries out for me to stop, but I don't.

Her long eyelashes and tanned complexion. Her smile, the one that makes my surroundings melt away everytime I see it. Her beautiful laugh. The way she finds everything so amusing and fascinating. Her voice. Her incredible accent. The way she walked, causing my head to spin. The sway of those hips. Her round, perky bum. The way she bites her lip when she's indecisive. The way her hair flows down her back. When she blushes and her cheeks get so red. The way she looks when she's so sleepy and she's trying to stay awake. The innocent smile she gets to get out of trouble or get her way. The way she licks her lips while she talks. How when she looks at a picture of her parents, she'll get tears in her pretty eyes and smile, most likely reminiscing. How today is her 18th birthday.

She's so amazing.

My heart aches and I know I can't keep doing this. I can't help it though. She's always on my mind. I can't get her out. Everything reminds me of her.

Food because she loves to eat. Spongebob because she watches it religiously. The color hazel because of her eyes. Blue because that's her favorite color. Mum because mum just loves her and she loves mum. Theo because he's her little chipmunk buddy as she says. Ireland because I took her there for Christmas. England because she's left her foot prints all over it. London because, well, she lives there. The states because she is from New York.

It may not seem so strange right now but trust me. A phone reminds me of her. Because she smashed hers and because phones ring and I gave her a ring. A ring that she didn't have to give back but she did.

Even my job reminds me of her. Why? My job is performing in countries everywhere- and she wants to tour a lot of countries- and performing involves music and she loves music and she sings so well even though she thinks she doesn't. She knows every song I can think of by heart. And the way she dances, oh man.

Tears brim in my eyes.

God, I'm such an idiot. I ruined it. I ruined a perfect thing.... TWICE! Everytime I had her in my palm, she slipped through my fingers because of my mistakes. I am so stupid. I don't know why she loves me. There's not much of an appeal if you ask me.

Lord, I love her so much, it hurts. She's my other half. And now that she's gone... it feels like there's a gaping whole in my heart. But I have to remember that I can't go running back. No. Whether she likes it or not, she needs better.

Maybe it's just what Zayn said. But honestly... everything he said was absolutely true. I don't deserve her. She needs better. And I know he says things that he doesn't mean when he's angry but I have a feeling it was real. That he meant to say that.

And now he hates me. He's my best mate- or was- and now... I just screw up everything good, don't I? It sure seems like it.

Restlessly, I throw the covers off of my body and sit up. I shiver as my bare feet touch the icy floor. My hands run over my face then go up to grip my hair.