You Save Me - Niall Horan FanFic (Sequel to If I'm Louder)

Chapter 48 - Paint

~Katie's P.O.V.~

I giggle. Sitting cross legged on my carpet in the center of my room. Across from Niall who mirrored me.

"I'm serious, you have talent!"

"I'm not that great," I blush. The folder of writing in between us.

He laughs humorlessly. He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, okay," he snorts. "Seriously, I can't even write this good now. And you wrote these when you were younger!" he exclaims. He holds up a finger before shuffling through the papers.

I don't know. So little people have seen my POEM-poems. Not those poems I wrote for school that was in my Language Arts file at the end of the year. Not the other stories I had wrote in class. My personal poems. My true feelings.

After my mother's death, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't communicate my true feelings. They were jumbled. I couldn't think straight. But I began to write. I took the pencil and splattered my feelings on the page like a paintbrush splattering paint on an empty canvas. Painting and writing was my only escape from the awful, cruel world. I had lost my mother. I saw my father crying. Everyday that I came home from school or left my room, I felt empty. The house felt empty. Because not being able to see my mother or hear her glorious laugh or maybe even hug her and kiss her cheek, it hurt. A lot. Nothing was the same every again. Those first two years were the hardest. For my father and I both.

Neither of us knew how do deal with it. Losing the one person we both love more than anything else in the world.

I wrote a countless number of poems for my mother. I drew pictures of her and painted her face. Dad and I both. Because that was the only way we could see her face. I rarely left the house except for school. My friends didn't know how to comfort me. And Jake Johnston moved in on one of the most vulnerable points of my life, then made my life hell after I refused him and sex. Dad didn't even see my poems. Very few. But he always saw my paintings.

My friends haven't even seen all of them. I was scared to share my feelings with people. Niall... he's the first person that I've entrusted reading the entire folder with. Because I knew he wouldn't steal my secret and tell the whole world. He wouldn't hurt me.

I guess you could say that Jake ruined me. He hurt me bad. I don't trust as well as I used to.

"Okay, you wrote this on March 8th, 2009.

A year.

Another year.

That you aren't here.

It's too much to bare.

The tears,

I shed.

Inside, I remain dead.

I never meant to hurt you.

It was the worst thing that I could ever do.

I promise that I wasn't true.

Today, Daddy was crying,

Staring at a picture of you.

I'm sorry for lying.

Truly, I am.

I'm hollow inside.

You took a piece of my heart with you.

I hate you? I lied!

Now, I no longer know what to do.

There's this pain in my chest.

And you were always the best.

I'll miss you, for the rest,

Of my life.

Why did you go?"