Omegle.com // SM

20

  Shawn hasn't even made eye contact with me. He hasn't said anything since I've woken up an hour ago, and I haven't tried to say anything to him.

I can tell something's wrong, but I keep my mouth shut. When I'm upset about something, I try my best to stay away from people.

I do this mainly because I hate when people get in my business. Yes, I do understand they're only caring, but it has nothing to do with them. Shawn is the same way. But I can't help but want to know.

I want to know what's wrong. I want to comfort him just like he does for me, but I feel like I'm going to make it worse. I feel like I'm the reason for the strange mood he is in. And, I still have this thought in my mind saying I did something last night.

I said or did something really stupid and it hurt Shawn. I know. I fuck up every good thing that happens. Every good thing that comes into my life gets fucked up.

Like my Dad, he died, everything I love gets taken away from me. The list goes on forever. And I know my Mom is still here, but I know it won't be long before she's gone also.

Shawn got taken away, I'm about to get dumped. I'm about to get hurt, but you know, I probably deserve it. I need to good slap across my face, I need- "Josie."

My head snaps up to see a emotionless Shawn. I don't say a word. I just nod my head, waiting for what he is going to say. Waiting for the 5 words that are going to chew a hole through me.

If you're wondering what the words are, I'm breaking up with you. Powerful shit right there.

"We need to-" "just go ahead," I don't even mean for the words to slip out. But he only stares at me, and I think he's waiting for me to go on. "Just do it. Break up with me.

I know I did something stupid last night, I have a feeling I did. A huge ass feeling." It stays silent for several moments. But I can pull words out of me. I feel like one more little word from me I'll burst into tears.

"You really don't remember?" I shake my head at his question. That just confirms I fucked shit up. "You- um..." I see how much it bothers him to talk about. But I want to know what I did. I want to know what caused me to hurt him so bad.

"You did some stuff with Taylor that, I, um, didn't appreciate." Taylor's name makes my whole body cringe. And Shawn notices, but doesn't say something about it. "Did I- did-" tears form in my eyes. He wraps his arms around me, but I pull away, "I don't deserve your love, or affection."

He opens his mouth to say something, but then shuts it back. I need to leave. "I need to um- go." The tears are streaming down my face. Why am I crying? I'm the one who cheated. I'm the one who ruined the relationship. I have no reason to be crying.

But here I am, practically choking cause I'm crying so hard. "I fuck everything up!" I yell. Shawn jumps from my outburst. "I can't ever do shit right!" Shawn grabs me and holds me close. I try to pull away, but he doesn't let me, "let go!" I squeal.

"No," he mumbles. I keep trying, but I soon give up. I try and relax in his grip, but it's too hard. I don't deserve it. I can't feel the same. How can he? I don't even know what I did. Well I know what I did I just don't know the details, and a part of me wants to know, and huge part doesn't.

"Did I have sex with him?" The words I spoke came out quiet. Soft, almost as if I didn't want him to hear. And maybe I didn't, maybe because I don't want to know the answer.

But I need to. "No," I sigh in relief. "Th-then what did I do with him," my stomach turns. Did he touch me in a sexual manner, did I touch him in a sexual manner?

"He said you guys made out," I instantly feel shamed. I choke on damn air cause I gasped to quick. "No, no, no, no," I mumble. Shawn hears and just looks at me. I finally get out of his grip, and his face frowns. "I can't," he looks confused as I speak.

"Break up with me," I say. I try not to cry. I need to stop crying, once again, I have no reason to be crying. Once a cheater always a cheater. That's what my Mom has told me my whole life, and I go by it.

"I don't want to-" "but you need to," I cut him off. He shakes his head and grabs my hand, "we can get through this."

I take deep breaths. I really need to calm down. I let him wrap his arms around me, and gently kiss my forehead. "You're human. You make mistakes."

"Cheating is way worse than a simple mistake."