A little too late

Chapter 56

I didn’t sleep at all last night. I don’t know if it was because Jack was pissed at me or whether it was because I’ve got so much on my plate at the moment. I feel like I’m suffocating and I just don’t know how to deal with it all.

A knock on my door distracts me from my deep thoughts. I tell my intruder to come in and my mum walks in the room.

“Morning Stella” she tells me. I repeat her own words back to her and she walks up to my bed. She takes a seat next to me and looks down at me. She takes one look at my face and her own starts to crinkle up in fear.  

“Did you sleep last night?” She asks me while she inspects my face.

I take a gulp and say “Yes”, perfectly knowing that that is a complete lie.

She shuts her lips in fear and tells me “Doesn’t look like it”.

I just look away from her and close my eyes. I must look like shit otherwise she wouldn’t be saying anything. The only problem is that I can’t tell her that I didn’t sleep. She’s a mother, she’d only freak the hell out. I just swallow my own fears and problems and look back at her.

“I’m worried about you Stella” She tells me. I grip on to my blankets tightly.

I lie, “I’m fine mum”.

She shakes her head, “No, you’re not. I can see it. These past few weeks, you’ve hardly been home and you come home late and I don’t know where you’ve been Stella”.

“I’m with Jack” I tell her whilst trying not to cry. The very thought of him makes me upset. On the one hand I miss him so much but then on the other I’m pretty sure that he hates me.

“Yes, and that’s what has been getting me through. He’s such a good kid” She says. I scoff at her comments, if only she knew how fucked up his life was. She takes a deep breath and continues, “But Sam is also here and I don’t trust that boy. And when you come home late Stella, it scares me”.

The thought of Sam scares me too, but I don’t tell her that. I just shut my eyes and hope she doesn’t notice that I’m hurting.

A finger touches my face and turns it around to face her.

“Look at me Stella” She instructs me. I look at her and she looks back at me worriedly. I don’t want her to see me cry. This is all so much and I want to burst out in tears, but she can’t see that. She wouldn’t understand any of it.

My voice cracks as I say, “Please leave me alone mum”.

“No. I can’t. Stella, I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but I have to ask. Are you doing drugs with Sam?” She asks me. I turn my face around to her in shock.

“What? No. Mum I don’t even see Sam” I comment, half lying. It’s not my fault that he forced me to go out to that creepy cafe with him. I continue to talk, “how could you even think that?”

“Ever since you came to me crying, I haven’t been able to stop worrying about you. And even though you blamed Jack back then, I know it wasn’t him”. She tells me. I look at her confused. What the hell is she on about? And what is she trying to imply?

When she sees my confused look, she continues talking. “I know you said Jack upset you when you came home crying, but it wasn’t him, was it?”

I look at her worried eyes and try to figure out what to say. That time, it really was Jack who upset me. I mean, he usually is the reason for my tears it’s just that she doesn’t know that.

“Look, what I’m trying to say Stella, is that ever since we moved to this place, you’ve been struggling. I can see it. And even though you have Jack...” She says. I roll my eyes as she continues to praise Jack. She really likes him way too much. I wait for her to continue on, “Even though you have him, this has to stop. And that’s why I spoke to your father”.

“What?” I ask her. What the hell did she say? I swear, if they put a curfew on me I will crack the shit. I need my freedom, that’s the one thing I 100% need.

“I just spoke to your father, like you asked me” She repeats. When did I tell her to speak to my father. I try to think back and remember when I asked her to talk to my dad. A thought suddenly comes to my mind.

“No!” I pray. She can’t have asked him what I’m thinking. This can’t be happening to me right now. I’ve finally got a boyfriend and friends and even though neither are perfect, we’re working on it.

“We’re moving back to Australia Stella” She spells out the dreaded words. I shake my head in disbelief. I can’t leave him. We may be fighting right now but I can’t leave him forever. He needs me. Hell, I need him.

“No!” I repeat.

She nods her head, “Yes Stella”.

“I don’t want to go” I spit out to her.

“What’s change since last time when you begged me to leave?” She asks me.

I roll up the covers and bring my knees to my chest, “I love him mum”.

She puts her hand on my shoulder whilst saying, “I know, we all like him too. But he’s just something you’re going to have to sacrifice. Everything else in your life has gone crazy since moving here. He may be the one good thing that is happening to you, but staying here is simply bringing you too much trouble”.

“No! You’re wrong. The trouble in my life is because of him. But mum, I really don’t care. I want to be with him.” I tell her before pointing at the ground, “I want to be here with him in England”.

“I’m sorry Stella. We’re moving to Australia.” She says with her foot down. Tears stream down my eyes and I shake my head and bury it into my covers. This cannot be happening right now.

I look up at her one more time to beg, “I love him”.

She shakes her head, “So do we Stells, but we have to look after your best interests and he’s just one thing we’re going to have to lose”

“No! You mean something I’m going to have to lose. Not ‘we’. You don’t even know him!” I shout back at her. She looks a little hurt but she proceeds to comfort me.

“We are moving to Australia Stella. It is final. You have no say in this matter. Make sure your stuff is packed by next week. Our plane leaves Wednesday” She tells me. My jaw drops. That soon? I can’t leave him that soon!

I start to scream ‘no’ back at her but she just ignores me. She stands up and walks to my door. She leaves the room and shuts the door behind me, leaving me to sulk all alone.