What If?

I care

I slowly open my eyes as the Suns rays shine in through the curtains. For a second I wonder where I am. Certainly not in my bedroom. I sit up and look down at the bed to see my mom and Nate next to me. All the past events come flooding into my mind. I crane my neck to look over at the clock. It reads 10:25. Wow I slept in late. Luckily it's Saturday. It's nice to sleep in every once in a while.

I quietly crawl out of bed so as not to disturb them, grab my phone off the nightstand, and head to my bedroom. I look down onto my phone screen and, to my surprise, see 3 missed calls from Timothy.

I briskly walk into my room and shut the door as I'm dialing his number. I hope he doesn't think I ignored him. After all we were supposed to call each other last night.

It rings three times before he picks up.

"Hello?" He says sounding very tired.

"Oh no! Did I wake you up? I'm so sorry!" I exclaim.

"No no no. I've been awake for hours. What's up? How come you didn't answer my calls?"

I hesitate before answering. This isn't exactly the kind of thing you should tell someone over the phone.
"Is it ok if I come over?"

He sounds very awake now.
"Yeah sure."

"Ok thanks. Give me 30 minutes."

"See you then."

I hang up and rush to get dressed. I throw on some skinny jeans and a flowy, mid sleeve floral shirt. It's been cooling down recently and I'm very glad for the cold weather. I much prefer it to the summers heat.

I French braid my hair and brush my teeth before I head downstairs.
In the kitchen I put some toast in the toaster. While that's heating up I jot down a note for my mom so she doesn't worry.

Sorry I left so early. Going to Timothy's for a bit. I don't know when I'll be back. Love you!
~Ellie

The toast pops up and and I hurriedly spread some butter on it then sprinkle it with cinnamon sugar. I eat it faster than I probably should. I'm eating the last piece as I head out the door. I walk out of the hall way still trying to be quiet. I'm almost out when a picture frame catches my eye. It's my whole family at Christmas 7 years ago.

My dad has his left arm around my moms shoulder and his right arm is holding eight year old me in his lap. Nate sits to the left of my mom with his head on her shoulder. We're all in front of our Christmas tree decorated with Popsicle stick crafts we had done, candy canes, popcorn string, and lastly the beautiful crystal angel adorning the tip of the tree.

This memory makes me tear up a bit. I wish we could go back to simpler times. Times where we found joy in everything. Times where our family was whole and happy. But that won't happen now. At least not like this, not with dad. We'll just have to make new memories. But even with the thought of going on new adventures, it still stings that our family will never be the same again.

I compose myself and walk out the door. I decide to ride my bike since I haven't got much time to get there. Granted he won't mind if I'm a few minutes late, but I prefer to be on time.

It only take me seven minutes to reach his driveway. I lean my bike on his garage door and walk up the porch steps. I take a deep breath and gently knock on the door. Through the glass I immediately see him walk around the corner and open the door.

"Hey Ellie! Come on in."
He greets me and gestures into his house.

I walk in and we go to his living room. I sit on the edge of his brown leather couch and he leans into the back of the couch right next to me.

"So what's up?"
He folds his arms across his chest.

I look down and fiddle with my finger nails. I didn't think it would be this hard to say. But I'm now realizing that I underestimated the difficulty.

He must have realized the seriousness of the topic. So he scoots next to me on the edge and takes my hand in his. I look down at our entwined hands. "It's just a friendly gesture." I tell myself.

"Hey."
He says gently.
When I don't respond he uses his pointer and middle finger to tip my chin to where I'm facing him.

"You can tell me anything."
He smiles at me. Gosh it gets me every time.

I finally break and spill everything. I tell him everything starting from the night that dad came into the kitchen drunk and ending with last night. I try my hardest to not cry, but I fail. Tears roll down my cheeks and blurs my vision. I hate for people to see me cry. It makes me seem weak. And I'm sure I look like a total mess right now.

"Oh Ellie. I had no idea."
He says.
"Why didn't you tell me?"

I look away from him and back to the floor.
"I couldn't. I couldn't burden one more person with my problems and with my anxieties. No one needs to hear me cry and rant on about my problems. No one cares anyway."
More tears roll down my cheek.

He embraces me in a hug.
"That couldn't be farther from the truth. There are so many people who care about you and would openly listen to you and help you. I'm one of those people Ellie."
He makes me face him again.

I look into his eyes as he wipes away my tears with his hand.
"I care about you. A lot."

"Really?"
I whisper.

"Yes."
He faintly whispers back.

I didn't notice until now how close our faces were. Not until now when his face is inches away from mine. I think it will stay this way, close but never closer.

Until he leans in and softly puts his lips onto mine.

At first I'm shocked but then I realize what actually just happened and I close my eyes and lean into the kiss.

WHAAAAAAAT?!?!?
Did I really just write that?
You bet I did!
Bet you didn't expect that did ya?

Hahaha!!! What did you think?

Hmmmm.... Things all seem well now but you'll just have to wait till the next update....

Mwhahahahah!!!!

I love you all!

PEACEOUT GIRLSCOUT!!! ✌🏼️