What If?

Texts

"Well I'm gonna head on up to bed now. Night mom. Love you."
I say as I give her a hug.

"Bye Ellie. Sweet dreams."

I walk up to my room and get dressed in sweatpants, a hoodie, and some fuzzy socks. All those combined are possibly the best inventions ever made. Those and coffee and Netflix.

I jump onto my bed landing on my stomach and just lay there being lazy for a few minutes.
Then I pull out my phone and scroll through Instagram before I sleep.

I'm about to shut it off when I get a text from Timothy.

T- Hey u up?

I still get so excited when he texts me.

E- yeah. What's up?

T- oh nothing much. Just ate dinner

E- fun. I like food.

"I like food". Oh my gosh. Did I REALLY just say that?! What is wrong with me?! "I like food." My life is over. I'm done. I'm quitting. I give up. I'm finished with life.

T- lol yeah me too. 😂 So what did you do today?

E- not much hbu?

T- oh hey! How did your dance class go?

He remembered. How does he do this. Why does he do this to me? He remembers the smallest little details. It's so cute. I mean sweet. It's sweet... Nah I mean cute.

E- it went really well! So glad to be back! 😊

T- that's good. Today's been a bore for me.

E- aw. That stinks.

T- yeah. Hey r u doing anything tomorrow?

Why does he want to know? I need to know why. Now. Pronto.

E- not that I know of. Why?

He doesn't respond. The suspense is killing me. But it doesn't matter anyways. He's probably just wondering. He can't ask me on a date or anything. Can he? No. He can't. That would be wrong.

T- wanna go see "fantastic beasts and where to find them"?

Did he just? He couldn't have.... Did he? He quickly texts me again clearing up my confusion.

T- just as friends I mean. Nate's coming too and he said it would be cool if I invited you too.

Oh. While I'm slightly disappointed, I would love to go with him. Besides, the other way couldn't have worked.

E- sure! I'd love to!

T- awesome! Can't wait! Well I gtg. Homework calls. Talk to you later!

E- cant wait! Night!

T- goodnight!

I turn off my phone and roll into my back so I'm facing the ceiling. I'm so conflicted. I hate the feeling where you really like someone deeply but you know that it'll never be the same on the other side of things. But you have to live with that and deal with those feelings. And it feels like no one else understands because no one else is going through this. So you keep it bottled up inside. My heart is like a bottle of emotions. I unscrew the cork to shove more feelings in and then shut it tight. But with all the feelings, emotions, and conflict inside of me, I start to crack and soon enough I'll break. But then I'll just try my best to patch myself up. No one should have to get cut on my glass. I'll sweep it up and pour it back in. Because that's the way things go. That's the way things have always gone. And you move on. Move away and try to forget. But you never can. Not completely at least. It's always there, haunting you. When you lay in bed at night you think of all the things that hurt and you wish you could forget. Things that people have done that just added another crack to your bottle. All the feelings of having your heart broken over and over again. But the worst of all.... The emptiness. The darkest, loneliest parts of your mind. The knowledge that even though you're surrounded by people, you feel alone. And maybe it might be different in the future. I might not feel alone. But somethings never change, and this may not ever change.

Wow......
That was deep.
Ok ummmmm

We need this to get a ton of views so I can get to 500 views!!!!!! Guys I'm soooo close! Thank you all so much for reading and commenting and supporting me.

Soooooooo its shoutout time!!!!

thefeelsarecrunchy
She AMAZING and has some SUPER DUPER good books called....
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-room service
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Oncers_For_Life
SHES A FRAKING AMAZING AUTHOR. Go now and read her completely amazing books too!!!
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Next up...

lol_books01
I can't even begin on how good she is. Seriously. Her books are a MUST READ.
-if you need me
-a Christmas wish
And
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Are my favorites.

And last but not least

laynakate
She is such a good writer and I ADORE her so much. She has collections of poems THAT SHE WROTE HER FREAKING SELF. I think they're all amazing and that's the coolest thing ever to write poems.

All these people are the absolute best people possibly on here and they're all such great friends to me. I love you all so much!!!! So go check them out! Like now! Go! Do it now!

That concludes this authors note

PEACEOUT GIRLSCOUTS!!! ✌🏼️