a little collection

2

i step into the truck, and i'm about to leave everything. my love. my family. my friends. everything for a new home. i look into the rear view mirror as i drive away, and i see his face, crushed, tears falling and sparkling in the falling sun. i quickly pull over, and i leap out of the car, racing towards him.

i leap onto him, and he holds me so tight. i pull his face towards mine, regardless of his girlfriend, and i kiss him. i kiss him and he kisses me back, and i love him so much and i can't comprehend how much i'll miss him, how much i wanted this.

we both sob, and i walk away, and i hear a soft thunk as he drops to the ground, and i want to crumble with him, because once i leave the state, that's it. i can't go back, i won't be able to have him for me, even if he breaks up with her, or vice versa.

my hands shake so hard, and i want to break down in the back of the old pickup, but i don't. i climb into the drivers seat, and restart the car, driving away. tears stream down my face just looking at his crumpled form, his girlfriend gone. she was never right for him anyway.

i love him. i didn't want to leave him in this state. alone. alone is the word that echoes through my head as i transition into the city, the street lamps turning on. my hands still shake, and my eyes feel heavy, so i find a motel and get a room. the room is surprisingly nice and neat.

i can't sleep, but i'm so tired. i still feel tingly from the kiss, the buzz from it. i knew he still felt something, i could tell by the way he kissed me back.

he always gave signs, the way his pinky would "accidentally" touch mine, how he'd always give long hugs, even after i let go, the look in his eyes when candid photos were taken of us. i was just the idiot who didn't realise until now. now, i can't have him. i promised my grandfather that i would go to Ontario when i turned 18, so i could go to the music school he went to.

A small knock snaps me out of my daze, and i walk to the door. i open the door, and he stands there, his face red and his lip quivering.

"you really think i'll let you do this alone?" he chokes.

i fling myself into him, and he holds me tight, and i hold him close, hearing his heartbeat. it's fast, and his chest hitches as he sobs into my hair. i sob into his chest, quick and sharp. he pulls one arm away, and shuts the door behind him.

we collapse to the carpeted floor, and we fall silent, except for small sniffles coming from each of us. he brushes his hand through my hair, whispering in my ear, "i love you so much." over and over.

i quietly say back, "i love you too." it feels so good to say it out loud, without fear.

we look into each other's eyes, his gorgeous brown eyes glinting with tears, filled with undeniable love.

"and it only took me until today for me to do something." just as i finish my sentence, he pulls me in and kisses me deeply, placing his hand on the side of my face, his thumb stroking on the back of my neck. just like the way he did at the piano.

i kiss back, and he holds me oh so close, and i feel his pulse against my fingers as i place them gently at his neck.

i never thought my first official kiss with him would be on a motel floor, as i leave for ontario, but then again, i never thought i would have an "official" anything with him. this beautiful boy, kissing me, holding me, touching me, just him.