a little collection

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I'm leaving in less than a month. For college. Which is crazy because before it seemed so far away. But it's coming up more and more and I dread it and I long for it at the same time.

Before I go, I want to express to all my friends how much I love them all, how much they've meant to me. I could scream it from the heavens. It all seems over dramatic, because they're my friends, I'll see them eventually when I'm home. But I'm the only one going out of state. It's difficult to handle.

To my best friend, who I'll miss with all my heart. She brought me life and laughter in times when I've been at my lowest. She helped me through my first heartbreak, she talked me through a crazy friend breakup, and she will hold so much meaning to me.

To my first best friend in middle school, thank you for making me more confident, thank you for pushing me, and thank you for being there. I never want our friendship to die, and you'll hold so much meaning to me and you are the biggest reason that I am who I am.

To my ex best friend, I don't miss you. We had some great times together. You were my first real friend in elementary school. But the way you handle yourself, the way you treated me and manipulated me and others, was despicable. Thank you for the great times, but don't ever try to come back into my life. I don't need you there.

To my first boyfriend, thank you for making me happy. I'm sorry it had to end. I do hold feelings for you still, and one day before I go, I'll tell you. My goodbyes for you will be emotional, because at one point I loved you to the point that I could dance and sing and smile and wholeheartedly love you. I would never take back those times, and you wouldn't either. I miss you.

To my mom, thank you for sticking by me. Thank you for being my mom, and being there, guiding me through my worst of times and always loving me even if I wasn't the greatest child. I will never be able to repay you for all that you've done for me. I love you. I'll miss you.

To everyone who may or may not be reading this sappy message right now, thank you for reading this mess. I don't know if I've ever been a good writer, but it's slowly turned into a journal where I pour out my thoughts and emotions. Thank you for reading. I owe you one.

To my small, crappy hometown, I'll miss you. The great sushi and pizza places. The small parks, which are great to experience with your friends. The stupid schools where I grew up. You hold my family, my friends, so many great and terrible memories. But as I switch from here to New York, I know that my first time back home will be like falling back to an old song I love.

As I leave in a month, it's put everything into perspective. All I want is to hold my friends and cry, but I know I'm stronger than that. But I'm going to miss them so much, the late night car rides, spontaneous trips to the pool, going to the mall, watching anime, laughing endlessly and feeling pure happiness. I'm not holding onto high school. I'm holding onto the amazing people I've met and befriended along the way. And whether I've known them for 5+ years or a year, or our friendship being staggered, I will always hold those memories and those feelings in my heart and remember how it feels to be happy. I'll be happy with the friends in college, but this has been the best summer I've had and it wouldn't have been possible without my friends and family.

Thank you for being there.