a little collection

51

I sit next to Mason, and it feels empty. I don't acknowledge him when he takes another bottle of beer. I don't joke with him when I notice him look at who I'm texting, a disdainful look on his face.

That's when he kisses me again, and his hands are pulling me up. This is so meaningless.

He's sloppy. His tongue feels like a slug. His lips are chapped to no end, and yet I kiss him back. I know it doesn't mean anything to me. But I don't care.

Mason pushes me onto his bed, and he starts running his lips and tongue along my neck, taking off my shirt and pants quickly. His hands, which feel clunky, run along my breasts, and then straight to my underwear.

It all feels physical. No emotion is in it. It all feels good, but it doesn't feel at all like it used to. I completely fell out of love.

We end up having sex, but it's only okay. I still make all the faces and moan, and I'm ashamed to still finish, but I know that there's nothing attached to it.

Mason rolls off me when he's done, breathing hard.

"I think we should stop seeing each other." I blurt. He snaps his head towards me.

"What? Are you being serious, Mandy?" I nod. He lays in silence for a few minutes.

"Is the sex bad?" Is that all he has to say?

"No. I just feel like there's nothing there for us anymore."

"We've been dating forever. I don't get it!"

"Length doesn't have meaning to how people feel."

"Mandy, come on. Don't do this to me." I shoot up, stark naked and fuming.

"What about me, Mason? Why are you always the victim? Is it so bad that I lost feelings for you? All you ever do is smoke and drink! I only feel something when we fuck, and that's shame, because I still cum when I know there's nothing to it."

He's silent. He slowly stands up, pulling his underwear on. I do the same.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Mason whispers.

"I.....I don't know."