a little collection

11

i sit in the piano bench, hitting keys randomly, making up songs. anything to fill how empty the room is, how i feel empty.

he didn't acknowledge me at all today, or last week, or the week before that. we passed in the hall, he didn't say hi, nod, or even nudge me or smile. he always had a girl attached to his arm, one every week.

he's developed a hollowness in his cheekbones, his eyes looking sullen and dull. he always had this arrogant gleam to them, even if it wasn't good, it was something.

i stop playing, as tears begin to fill my vision and i can't see anymore. just thinking about him stirs something in me. i can never figure out what it is, but i know it's something.

i wish he could see what he's doing.

i jump when the door slams open, two people kissing each other, hard. they go up to the stage, oblivious to me being there. my heart drops.

of course, it's him, with his girl of the week. his skin has gotten paler.

i grab my backpack, and run out of the auditorium, and they continue their game, unaware that i was there.

i stop at the doorway when someone calls out my name.

i wince, and i turn around. he's walking towards me, eyebrows crinkled.

"now you realise i exist?" i ask snidely, my sadness transitioning into anger.

"look i know i've been ignoring you for a few days-"

"don't. just...please." when i speak, i'm surprised at how weak i sound.

"wait, please. i....i can't stop thinking about you. that kiss, it wasn't just a kiss."

i stop in my tracks, anger filling me. i storm up to him, shoving him back.

"how dare you say that to me? do you realise the heartache you've put me through these past few weeks? did you really think i'd jump into your arms at the snap of your fingers because 'you can't stop thinking about me?'"

he winces, and whispers, "stop yelling....please. i've stopped eating. i only hear your voice. i'm worthless without you. i can't sleep without thinking of you. that kiss, it began something in me. i only ask of you to give me a chance."

i'm taken aback by what he said.

"you've stopped eating? i...that's not good. that's so unhealthy, i can't have that strong of an effect on you, can i?." i whisper. that explains why his cheeks have hollowed out.

"you do, i feel like when you came around, you taught me so much. you taught me how to love, how to actually live. that night, when i talked to you for hours on the phone, i wanted to be with you. when you were heartbroken by that asshole, i loved the fact that i was the one you called first. i loved how you let me hold you. i love-" i cut him off by placing my lips on his. i couldn't keep him like this. i can't keep myself like this.

he kisses me back, wrapping his arms around my waist.

the kiss isn't nearly as rough as it was before. no. this kiss is much softer. i feel a strange stirring in my stomach, and i ignore the weird feeling, only wanting to feel his lips on mine.