a little collection

16

corresponds with previous chapter

i wake to a soft voice whispering in my ear, early at 5 a.m.

"falling asleep with you, holding your hand, holding you, touching you. i'm going to appreciate everything i do with you. i love you, hayley." i hear him whisper through my half-sleep state. pale light hurts my vision, and i see a few snowflakes fall here and there through the window.

"i promise i won't hurt you, i'll keep you safe from others who may try to hurt you."

connor thinks i can't hear him, and his breath gently tickles my ear. i feel him stroking my hair, and his voice is slightly raspy.

"i won't leave you. ever."

i fall back asleep, snuggling into him more.

***

i wake up that morning, and my body is wrapped around his. i smile, and i trace my fingers along his hair, which flops in his face. he's so beautiful, he seems more relaxed when asleep. his features are softer, and his lips form a small smile.

i frown however, as his face contorts in fear, and he starts mumbling "n-no" over and over, and his sisters name and my name begin to tumble out of his mouth.

his voice gets louder, and i start shaking him.

"connor, connor wake up!" i half-yell, and he doesn't stir, and his voice gets even louder. tears stain his face, as they escape his squinched eyes.

"CONNOR!" i yell, shaking him hard. i tap his cheek what feels like a thousand times, and he stirs, his voice growing softer as he's pulled out of his dream.

his eyes flutter open, wet and scared from his dream.

i take his cheeks in my hands, wiping the tears.

"you still have nightmares, don't you?" i whisper, sickened by the memories of holding his hand as he cried at night, the nightmares too much for such a young age.

he nods, and leans his head on my shoulder. i take connors hand, and he reluctantly curls his fingers around mine, relaxing slowly.

"have you seen dr. lanson lately?" i ask.

"no. he never helped. nothing stopped the nightmares." he responds, his brown eyes looking out my window.

i run my thumb on his hand, and whisper, "you'll be alright, okay? they're nothing more than nightmares, and no matter what happens in them, you'll wake up. you'll wake up, and everything will be normal again. nothing bad will have happened to the people you love. connor, you're going to be alright."

he sniffles, almost choking, "i dreamt i had lost you, hayley. you were screaming for help, and i couldn't get to you. my sister was yelling too. i couldn't get to either of you. i c-couldn't get t-o..." he trails off as he begins to sob again, and i take him into my arms, running my fingers through his hair, i knew it could calm him down.

"connor, it's okay, i'm right here. you didn't lose me, i'm right here with you." i whisper.

"i don't know what i would do without you, hayley. you kept your promise." he sobs, and i'm taken aback for a second.

"my promise?" i ask, my fingers still in his hair.

"when we were seven, when i helped you get rid of that bully who was hurting my sister, you made a promise. you promised me that no matter what, you would stay with me. and that's what you did." he explains.

"oh my gosh, you still remember that?" i smile, the memory warming me up.

"of course i remember, we pinky promised!" connor laughs, and i feel relieved that he's laughing again.

"remember when we were ten, and that older kid stole my chocolate milkshake at the carnival, and you socked him in the nose to get it back?" i laugh.

he giggles, "yeah, he was twice my size! i still can't believe i went for it!"

i laugh, "no one messes with me and my milkshakes!"

that's how we remain for the majority of the morning, reminiscing on the good times we had together, laughing until tears (the good kind) streamed down our cheeks.