a little collection

47

Will be continued

I lay on my bed, music blasting in my ears. The sunset outside is turning the sky to a brilliant orange. I open a cigarette box and pull one out, lighting it with the lighter I stole from my best friend.

I think about a moment we shared, one I can't seem to get off my mind.

We're sitting at the curb, passing a cigarette between us.

"Oh come on, Avery, I seriously doubt that your father is going to get hurt." Colton says, placing his hand on my shoulder. He passes me the cigarette in his mouth, and I take a drag.

"I still don't think I should leave him tonight. What if he stumbles out in a daze and...and.." I trail off, tears starting to well up in my eyes, because I hear it. I hear how sad I sound.

I pass the cigarette back to him, placing my head in my hands. I've basically become a slave to my father.

"Avery, he's going to be fine." I take a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. But it's hard.

"Hey. If you want, you can stay at my place tonight." He offers, and I look at him, smiling.

"That'd be nice, but I don't wanna be a bother."

"You're not. Trust me." He's looking at me differently. Before he only looked at me with a small smile on his face. But now there's something fonder there. He takes my hand, and laces our fingers together.

We've done this before, but again, something is there. I can't help but notice that he's leaning in slightly, and I'm doing the same. We're both going excruciatingly slow, and I feel his breath feathered against my lips.

Colton looks in my eyes, his bright blue eyes, and they look excited. Almost as if he's been wanting this to happen. I tilt my head up a little, bringing us even closer. Why are we going so slow?

That's when his phone beeps, and he has to pull away, quickly checking it.

"Shit." I hear him whisper under his breath.

"My sister needs me. I'll see you later, right?" He asks, standing up.

I nod, not sure what to say. He leaves, and he takes a look at me over his shoulder.

I flick my cigarette out of my open window, placing my hands over my face. Jesus Christ, why am I thinking of him this way? I can't fall for anyone now, I have my father to deal with every day, and I have to worry about affording going to some school in the near future.

I look at my beige ceiling, hoping for some kind of answer. I'm not much of a believer, but I'm silently asking God in what the hell I should do about this. Fuck it. I'm going to him and I'm gonna finish what we started.

I stand, grabbing my coat and bolting out the door. I walk to his house, which takes about twenty minutes. My cheeks and nose are bitten by the evening chill, and my hair is being blown in the wind.

I stand in front of his house, and I suddenly grow nervous. But I still walk up to his door, and knock.

A short minute later he answers, and he gets that look on his face. The fondness that I so adore. I'm about to step forward and finally close the distance between us when a redheaded girl steps up next to him, taking his arm.

"Hey, Avery, this is Dawn." I feel heartbroken. I mumble something polite to her, and I make up an excuse that lets me leave, and he looks almost sad.

"But, you just got here." Colton says, his brows crinkling in confusion.

"I know, I was just taking a walk and I figured I'd say hi, you know? I don't want to intrude." I want to kiss him, but now I lost my chance. Dawn shoots a look at me, and I notice her change her grip on his arm.

"No, no, you wouldn't intrude, would she, Dawn?" He asks her.

"Well, I mean if it's important then I guess she should just go." She directs the word "go" at me, and I nod my head, going down the steps of his porch and back on the trek to my house.

I feel humiliated. I feel like God gave me the person I was meant to be with, and decided to yank him away from me with a redhead who looks like a total bitch.

Maybe I was wrong to think that he loved me. After all, I am just some girl from a bad neighborhood who takes care of her druggie father every day like a child, when it should be the other way around. He's from a good side of town. A good guy. Maybe I should have just kissed him before she came along.

I don't want to face my house. I just sit on my front steps, dejected. I take a cigarette out, and I light it. I'll bet his new girl doesn't like the taste of cigarettes on his lips.

I sigh, taking long drags. The sunset has dragged from its golden-orange hue to an almost black navy blue, with a sprinkle of stars. I shiver a little from the cold, but frankly, I don't care. I really don't.

I end up falling asleep on the stoop, the cigarette long gone.