a little collection

6

*SENSITIVE WARNING: IF UNCOMFORTABLE OR TRIGGERED, PLEASE SKIP*

(inspired by music video above)

i break down, shaking and sobbing and angry. he kneels in front of me, and asks me what's wrong. it's like i'm possessed, and i shove him back screaming "no!" and backing away to a wall. flashes of the night go before my eyes, from the red and blue lights to the smell of booze.

i sob harder, clutching my ears, trying to drown out the sirens. the screaming of my mother as she gets thrown to the ground again, crying. i hold my teddy bear in my arms, and i try to leave, but he won't let me. i try to fight him, but he merely holds me. i collapse to the floor again, and i'm scared. he only picks me up, setting me on his bed.

i whisper, "i'm not like him." over and over. i shut my eyes, blocking the red and blue. i keep whispering, and my shaking only remains. i'm not in my room, i'm in his. my mother isn't screaming outside of my bedroom, neither is my father. he's the only one in my vision. he's stuck with me.

"i'm not like him." my fathers been taken away, he's no where near my mother or me. i'm safe in his home, no one will hurt me. my mothers gone, she's at her mothers home.

"i'm not like him" i'm not in my old bedroom. i'm sitting in his bed, and he kneels in front of me, carefully putting a hand on my hair. the soft gesture only brings me down further, and i close my eyes at his touch.

"i'm not like him." my shaking slowly stops, i open my eyes, and i see that its past midnight. it's pitch black outside, there isn't any blue or red in sight. my face feels cold from tears, and his hand strokes my hair. i love him so much.

i stop whispering, and i lean forward, and run my hands on my face and hair. he picks my chin up, and he reassures me, telling me i'm not like him whatsoever. bless him, he doesn't even know. i never told him.

i lean forward, and i touch his beautiful face, slightly stubbly from not shaving. i touch his lips to mine, and he kisses me back, and wraps his arms around me, pulling me toward him on his bed. i never realised how much i needed him, how much he's been there with me. i feel guilty for never telling him about my past.

i put myself in a bad relationship because i thought that boy was right for me. he hurt me mentally, not physically, but it was only a matter of time before he did by the way he shouted. but the one who was right for me is the beautiful boy kissing me now, who treats me better, who has stayed by my side since second grade, my best friend, and the boy i love.

when we break away, i say, "i guess i should tell you."

"tell me about your past and who 'him' is?" he asks, and i nod. it takes about two hours, and i don't cry. he does. and when i'm done, fat tears roll down his cheeks, and i swipe them away as they come. he holds me tight, and i hold him, because i don't want him to leave.

"you're not like him, i won't be like him, and i promise that i won't let you get hurt like that." he whispers.

"another thing....it's about my boyfriend." anger immediately flashes in his eyes, and he grabs my phone. angry texts from him flood my phone, texting obscenities and hurtful words at me.

"he keeps texting me. we're in a fight, and i think he's drinking. he's abusive, but it's not physical. i think he's close to that point though." i explain.

"you can't do this to yourself. clearly, he's not stable enough to be in a relationship, so you have to break up with him."

i nod, and i take the phone.

i type into the phone, "stop. we're done, and i'm not letting you hurt me anymore. leave me alone." and i send it, then i block his number.

"well?" he asks.

"i dumped him. and i blocked him. i'm yours, you've always been the one i wanted. and now i'm free to be only yours." i smile, and he grabs me, holding me in his safe arms. he helped me through so much. i won't make a mistake like my ex again.

i'm not like him. not at all.