a little collection

12

"how come you never told me?"

"told me what?"

"that you still have feelings for me?"

i freeze, my heart beating faster. i look down, frowning.

"i didn't want to put that on your shoulders."

"do you realise how much it hurt me to move on from you? i never wanted you to go. the night before you left, i've never cried like that. you're important to me. i still have feelings for you, it was always you."

"stop saying that, you have a girlfriend. i don't want to be the reason you two break up."

"think about the times we've had together. the late night food runs, the talks on your roof under the stars. the cool mornings where we woke up together. we were crazy for each other. we still are."

"you have a girlfriend."

"stop saying that. yes, i still have a girlfriend. but you're the one i love. the one i'll always love."

tears rush to my eyes, and i squeeze my eyes shut. i remember the day we broke up.

"what do we do?" he asks, sullen.

"well, i'm going to school in new york, and you're going to school here. i think the best thing to do would be to......break up." my voice chokes on the last word, tears rushing to my eyes.

pain fills his face, and tears fill his eyes.

"i didn't want this to happen. i thought we would be forever."

"i thought so too. but i can't turn this school down. i-i r-really wish i c-could s-say n-no, but..."

"ssssh, babe, your stutter's taking over." he consoles, and i take deep breaths. when i speak again, it comes out clearly.

"when i leave, i want you to move on. don't wait for me. i don't know when i'll be back. but...it'd be for the best."

"but...i don't want to move on. i don't want to miss you. i don't want to lose you. i don't want to lose you." he starts sobbing, and i fling myself into him, and we cry together.

the tears flow faster. and i pull myself into reality.

when i open my mouth to speak, his lips crash into mine before i can say a word. i kiss him back, feeling the way i did when i first kissed him. i never lost feelings for him. of course i didn't. he was always the one i've loved.

"please, stop." i sob, pushing him away. i didn't want to, but it felt wrong.

before he could say anything, i stand up, and run away, wanting to forget what we had. i hear him calling after me, his footsteps in sync with mine.

i take a sharp turn in the woods, and the crunching of leaves beneath my feet echoes throughout the empty night.

an arm grabs me, and whips me around. i scream, afraid it's a predator, wanting to hurt me.

it's only him, and he looks angrier.

"why must you be invested in my life like this? why?" i yell, pushing him back angrily.

"why? because i love you! and you only! why are you avoiding us?" he yells back.

"because you're with another girl! i will not let you cheat, it's bad enough you kissed me!"

"you kissed me back, remember? clearly, that shows something!"

"but i pushed you away! that shows something too!"

"why are you still pushing me about her?" he bellows, his face turning more red by the minute.

"because she's your damn girlfriend! it seems that you keep forgetting!" i scream, ballistic.

he stays silent, and i leap at him, kissing him hard. he kisses me back, grabbing my hair.

i missed him. i missed him.